Another Supplement to Mark Twain Speaking

I cite below a pair of Mark Twain speaking dates new to scholarship and three partial texts of his public speeches hitherto lost to scholarship.

On 20 April 1894, Twain attended the annual meeting of the Fairhaven Improvement Association in Fairhaven, Mass., presumably accompanied by his friend Henry H. Rogers,¹ and spoke briefly. Text unknown. ("Mark Twain Still Speaketh," Boston Journal, 30 April 1894, 2)

On 8 February 1902, according to the New York Tribune, "a variety of accusations were brought against women by Mark Twain at the annual luncheon of the Vassar Alumnae Association held at Delmonico's." His "subject was 'Circumstantial Evidence,' and in a characteristic treatment he showed that such evidence is not always to be depended upon, although at times it leads to the truth." E.g., he declared,

"When you see a woman towing around a long, low dog with far spreading feet that are a plagiarism on the claw feet of antique furniture, there is circumstantial evidence that that women has got a good heart, and, a lot of times, that she can't dispose of it.

"When you see a woman coming down the pier wearing a horizon filling smile, a smile of supreme satisfaction and ecstasy, there is circumstantial evidence that that woman has been smuggling. There is nothing that raises a woman to such a point of ecstasy and satisfaction as the consciousness of having smuggled. Whenever any woman looks you in the eye feelingly and says that she considers smuggling a sin, you may be sure there is something wrong with that woman's brain, for woman is a natural smuggler, and it would take her a good while to live down the reputation.

"Then take the case of the pencil. When you see any pencil sharpened by any woman there is circumstantial evidence that she did the work with her teeth, although in all probability she used a knife for the purpose. No woman can sharpen a lead pencil well."

"Mr. Clemens explained that he had chosen his topic because it was 'innocuous.'"

("A Vassar Luncheon," New York Tribune, 9 February 1902, 8)

Mark Twain spoke at a banquet on December 30 hosted by George Harvey² at the posh Laurel House winter resort in Lakewood, N.J., in honor of W. D. Howells, soon to depart for Europe. The blog twainquotes.com cites only a single sentence of his remarks reported the next day in the New York Times. A much fuller report of his comments appeared in the Trenton Times:

Howells "announced that long ago he made a compact with the humorist to write all of Twain's books" and Twain in turn was to write all of Howells' speeches. "That isn't true," broke in Mr. Clemens, jumping up. "Howells hasn't written a book of mine for years. But he did use to expurge them. There was a time when I used to send all my stuff around to Howells and he'd edit it. That was fine. He was a good editor. But he got fresh with my stuff. He saw that his expurgations of my books were winning me fame and fortune. He saw that if he continued to expurgate them he would soon have me on a pinnacle higher than himself. So he began to make interlineations as well as expurgations. I could stand the latter, but not his writings. I called a halt. Since then both Howells and I have shown a falling off."

("Mark Twain Joshes Howells," Trenton Times, 31 December 1907, 2)

4. The substance of the speech Twain delivered at the dedication of the Virginian Railway in Norfolk, Virginia, on 3 April 1909 has been printed in Mark Twain Speaking.³ But a humorous aside, in which Twain alludes to having been briefly mistaken for H. H. Rogers, who funded the project, seems to have eluded recovery until now.

"My friends, while I have been shaking your hands I have listened to some very flattering compliments. I like compliments, especially those which seem to come from the heart, as yours did. They went straight to my...