Resolutions of the Eighty-First Annual Meeting Reno, Nevada

Whereas, the Department of Geography at the University of Nevada has hosted this eighty-first meeting of the APCG with a sense of order, grace, warmth, and detail, and

Whereas, we have all received the rewards of their skillful efforts at organization and superior planning, permitting us attendees to focus on intellectual development and professional acuity, and

Whereas, we want to especially note the contributions of President and host Paul Starrs; Conference Organizer and Program Chair Scott Bassett; field trip leaders Scott Mensing, Kate Berry, Dave Miceli, Scott Kelly, and Alicia Barber; and the numerous student volunteers; and we wanted to afford Scott Bassett an especial recognition—he seemed to be everywhere someone was needed, just a great contributor to these meetings, and

Whereas, and regrettably, your ever-observant Resolutions Committee through our squadron of ever-sharp observers and our army of presentation police has found it necessary to bring to your attention some questionable, semi-salubrious, and inexplicable occurrences, to wit, and

Whereas, at the opening session on Wednesday evening, speaker Jack Hursh began by stating "everyone thinks that Nevada is all desert but that's a great misconception," and then proceeded to show 97 slides of Nevada deserts, and

Whereas, the conference organizers cleverly sought to limit advanced knowledge of meeting content by eliminating program abstracts confirming the slogan that "what goes on in Nevada, stays in Nevada," and

Whereas, at last night's Brew Pub event, after President Paul Starrs announced that he would buy a six-pack for anyone willing to become editor of our newsletter, Pacifica, word reached out along Virginia Avenue and thirteen sidewalk people came in to volunteer, and

Whereas, of the original eighteen signees for the Mynt field trip to the weed dispensary, only seven actually showed, the other eleven having ovepracticed consumption techniques the previous evening, and

Whereas, in Bill Wyckoff's excellent paper that focused on his rephotographing Norman Wallace's Arizona landscapes with great precision, Bob Richardson had the temerity to state, "But Wallace had clouds in one of his pictures and you didn't," and

Whereas, many have questioned the wisdom of the same Dr. Richardson's appointment to be the APCG's first Memory Counselor, since this morning he was unable to locate his car in the parking garage, and

Whereas, the conference program for tonight's presidential address failed to note who this president was nor what he might be talking about, leaving us all to wonder what was in store, and

Whereas, when Jeffrey Schaffer rose to give his presentation, "Will Geomorphology Finally Become a Legitimate Science?" an audience member shouted out, "No," and with the question answered, Schaffer saw no reason to deliver his paper and sat down to enjoy his beverage, and

Whereas, Steven Hromada, Kirsten Dutcher, and Jill Heaton, of the University of Nevada, determined to increase the page numbers necessary for the conference program, offered the longest paper title on APCG record, "GPS Telemetry Data creates Perfect Knowledge of Movement and Space Use: The Fallacy of Automation, the Reality of Compounding Errors, and Solutions to Redeem Advanced Tracking Technologies," the paper title having occupied so much space that their poster presentation included only one paragraph, and

Whereas, AAG President Cheryl Luzzader-Beach, having found the following statement in her Panda Express fortune cookie at lunch today, "Unforeseen financial resources will soon become available to you," left the table immediately and headed for the Silver Legacy blackjack tables, and

Whereas, Russell Graves of Snow College, in his paper on Stateline Cities, while emphasizing the entertainments available in border gambling sites, established an APCG first by projecting an image of himself being spanked for failing to eat a hamburger—in this case, something that should have stayed in Vegas didn't—resulting in audience members' strong suggestion that he change his diet, and

Whereas, Thomas Sanchez of UNR, who was supposed to present a poster titled "Spatial Trends in the Bitterness of Beers Brewed in the Contiguous United States," having included—and here I do...