Special occasions

dad doesn't ask questions / doesn't ask why I want / my hair hushed / a straight sweepof easy beauty / morning air hissing curls intoquiet submission / I place the ceramic iron in his hands / he says nothing / he knowshow I wear his stubborn tousles / he doesn't ask how I hopeit will pay off / when the varsity lacrosse captain takes a second / to reassess whether I amthe same person / & I like the way it feels / to be new / noticedwithout first citing my brown skin / the shade of terror / my accent from home / spillingwhen angry / often / with white boys / my eighth-grade crush /his mouth emptying / gay jokes & casual fear / I bristle / it doesn't cut / as deep as it willin a few years / I whisper that's so disappointing / because he isunforgivable / but still cute / in that way white boys get to be / without actually being cute /& I want that too / to be simply brown / & always cuteenough to be noticed / not only on special occasions / when dad takes his morning teain the bathroom / whispering as he works / strand by strandlearning from the white women he works with / how to help me / look like their daughters /mom sits by the bathtub / watches with her own cup / what isrequired / to give the natural wave of our hair / over to the heat of being / worth a secondlook / the way I turn for white boys / is the way they will turn for me today