Schizophrenic Fucker

For Scottie

            Ah damn // I love you man.        I find you in some cheap M O E L with a fainted neon T.I find you cackling in an open field // cracking skies open like lightning                With your laughter.          I find your arms tattooed with my poems.            Because I'm the only poet you know.      Because you love how I'm always looking for // or finding you.        Walking with your asthmatic dog that isn't yours anymore.  Walking aside railroad tracks before curfew at the sober living house.            Walking with that meth head & her three kids.Why are you yelling at them // & my mom says they're not allowed over                  Anymore.              Or are you walking back to prison.          Or what is your cell phone number now.  Or I'm in the garage asking your mom // when she saw you last.      Or I'm crying in a minivan // & feeling like a dumb bitch.              I can't find you under my fingernails.        I can't find you // asking anorexics for dieting advice.                I can't find you anywhere.    & I remember you before prescription drugs // that led to                  Nonprescription drugs.  How we'd surf alongside dolphins // waves dancing on our backs.      How California clams // would hang on pillars of the pier.        How many false goodbyes // before I say goodbye.            Where are you // goodbye.