Encouragement Can Be Fatal, and: The Sun, and: The Cusp of Eternity

ENCOURAGEMENT CAN BE FATAL

When I came to, I was tied to a chair. Kowalskislapped me across the face with the back of hishand, and I spit out a little blood. “Where is he?”shouted Burnside. “Where’s who?” I said. I didn’tknow where I was or how I got there, but I recognizedKowalski and Burnside from office softball. “Youknow who we’re talking about Jenson. Don’t playgames, otherwise we might have to pluck thosepretty little eyelashes of yours, one by one,”Kowalski said. No one’s ever complimented myeyelashes before. “Thank you,” I said, “I feellike the prettiest girl at the high school dance.”Burnside slapped me. “Stop playing around, or it’sfinger-breaking time,” he said. What happened tothe eyelashes, I thought. Kowalski got right inmy face to the point where our noses were touching.“Where. Is. O’Malley,” he said. “I don’t know,”I said, “did you check with Stevens?” Kowalski andBurnside looked at one another. “Who’s Stevens?”Burnside said. “Who’s Stevens?! No wonder you twoidiots haven’t found O’Malley, your heads are toofar up your own asses to even think to track downStevens.” I had no idea what I was saying, but itseemed to be working. Kowalski looked like a sad,frightened puppy. “Look at you two standing therelike a couple of warm bologna sandwiches. Untie mealready!” I said. They snapped to attention andcarried out my order. Some people are just lost,and they need authority figures, I thought. “Sir,are you going to help us find O’Malley?” Burnsidesaid. “Forget O’Malley,” I said. “We’re going tothe batting cages.” They blindly followed me outinto the cold. Snow started to fall. Street urchinssang Christmas carols.

THE SUN

The Sun is 1,200 miles away. It is hot to thetouch. If you find yourself in a situation inwhich you have to handle the Sun, it is suggestedthat you wear gloves. The Sun is yellow, butit can also be orange, or red. The Sun has neverbeen purple. The Sun is operated by a man namedLester Strat. He has been doing it since 1962.In the old days, he would operate it from insidethe Sun. But in 1994, they switched over toremote control. It’s more efficient, but itlacks the charm of those early sunrises andsunsets, which had an almost human quality.Lester is 86 years old now, and can occasionallybe forgetful. Once he left the Sun out for threestraight days before remembering to set it.Another time he confused the Sun remote withhis garage door opener. The birds went crazythat day. There is a small contingent thatwants Lester dead. They long for perpetualdarkness. They are the spider people, and theyare coming for him. I’m in the helicopter,screaming for Lester to run, reaching out myarm. But he’s old, his legs . . . They give out,and he tosses me the remote as they pounce onhim. I turn away from the carnage and shout,“Go! Go!” to the pilot. One of them is hangingfrom the landing skids, so I kick it off andwe lift away to safety. I stare down at theremote in my hand. I set my phone alarm for5:30 a.m. The Sun will rise again. Oh yes.The Sun will indeed rise again. After a coupleweeks of super-early wake-ups, I hire an internto do it for me. Don’t worry, he’s veryresponsible, his name is Evan.

THE CUSP OF ETERNITY

Somehow I found myself on the roof with theman about to jump. He was wearing a suit anda tie, slightly loosened. “Don’t do it,” I said.“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t,”he said. “If you do it, you are going to die,”I said. “That’s a...