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  • Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival by Kelly Sundberg
  • Sakinah Hofler (bio)
Kelly Sundberg. Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival. HarperCollins, 2018.

When an elevator camera captured Ray Rice knocking out his fiancé (now wife) then dragging her off the elevator in 2014, many people asked, "Well, why doesn't she just leave?" When my (former) friend put another friend of mine (his girlfriend at the time) in the hospital with fractures and a concussion, many from our friend circle asked, "If it's really that bad then why doesn't she just leave?" This question of "leaving" has plagued a number of survivors of domestic violence (and for those who don't survive, the question persists, yet the verb switches to the past: didn't). It is this particular question that Kelly Sundberg explores in her memoir Goodbye, Sweet Girl. Not only does Sundberg discuss her relationship with her abusive husband, Caleb, she travels through time, arriving at instances in her upbringing that reveal that the answer to this question is never easy or simple or straightforward.

Sundberg begins her memoir near the end, at the pivotal moment when Caleb, who works as a "dorm parent," chases her out of their apartment, screaming, "'Come back, you fucking bitch,'" chases her past several resident assistants, and runs her into the street, bringing the abuse Sundberg has privately endured for years into the public eye. By the end of the Prologue she answers the question of whether or not she will leave (yes), which allows her memoir to explore the how's and the why's.

From Chapter 1 to the Epilogue, Sundberg expertly threads together event after event through the examination of her romantic, platonic, and familial relationships. Her relationship with her parents plays a crucial role in her life. As a child, she regards her father as a hero. Her childhood relationship with her mother, though, isn't rosy. "I was scared of the devil," Sundberg writes, "and of ghosts, but mostly I was scared of my mother." You begin to understand how Sundberg learned to keep secrets. She doesn't tell her mother about the time her neighbor tried to stab her nor about the time a serial rapist nearly abducted her nor about the time an acquaintance sexually assaulted her. While there are times her parents support her, like when they help her escape a bad living situation with dope fiends in Portland, they struggle with believing her about the abuse. Her father, her hero, tragically tells her, "I just don't know what to believe."

We travel with her through memories and connections. Chapters structured like mini-essays allow grand leaps in time and place. For example, one chapter covers Kelly discussing a massage, a tarot card reading that reveals to her that the men she sleeps with will affect her, a series of relationships, her parents avoiding any discussions of sex, her sexual assault, the near-abduction (unrelated to the assault), her mother screaming at her, the near-abduction again, and a Today Show segment about motherless mothers. Although it might appear overwhelming, through tightly controlled sections, Sundberg seamlessly reveals how shame and secrets cloak her life. Each chapter keeps us grounded by using Caleb as a timestamp, i.e. "Shortly before I met Caleb," "[T]he summer that I found out that Caleb had cheated on me," "By the time Caleb first hit me…"

While Goodbye, Sweet Girl reveals terrifying abuses inflicted by Caleb, Sundberg's play with lists offer some of the more haunting moments. "An Incomplete List of Things We Tried" looks at the twelve ways they tried to fix their marriage, [End Page 239] including medication, pornography, and couples counseling. "An Incomplete List of Reasons He Was Violent" examines Sundberg's attempt to rationalize his abuse, including wondering if she caused it. This memoir is for anyone who has lived through domestic violence, anyone who knows someone who has lived through domestic violence, and anyone against domestic violence. This memoir is especially for those who naively question, "Why doesn't she just leave?"

Sakinah Hofler

Sakinah Hofler is the 2017 winner...

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