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The article presents a new method for the analysis of short-form on-line storytelling by assuming an aestheticizing point of view on an everyday narrative practice. It examines the expressive affordances of Facebook status updates with the help of three prominent concepts derived from literary narratology and sociolinguistics: experientiality, simultaneity, and tellability. Conventions of the novel such as the epistolary form are juxtaposed with social media narration, in order to highlight both the intentional artistry and accidental aesthetics of status updates. The article supplements sociolinguistic studies by exposing the existentialist, self-consciously non-communicative facet of Facebook storytelling.