June 4, 2018: I Wish I Could Wake Up and Make a Sincere Apology
- June 4, 2018I Wish I Could Wake Up and Make a Sincere Apology
poem, Wo Chan
i woke dreaming instead of a past lover rimming my asshole, his personashifting into my brother's face. i moaned. sunbeams blasted through thin curtains;i felt the fabric of my boxers shift against my anus. i felt regretto wake, then joy to memory, then annoyance—shame at an old feelingclean in the mirror of seawater, the face that is yours wrinkling and transparent.observe the beauty of an emotion. observe the beauty of an emotion changing.
"you seem to believe that you must avoid discomfort in your life to actually live."my therapist said that, and then he told me he had to stop taking my insurance.at the rate of 250 a session i could continue into his newly private practice.was this an exercise in disappointment? i didn't feel a hint of sadness.bored and then resigned. i felt poor at the trial-sized humanity of other peopleand myself—a smallness that could make the rainbowed mildew of my bathtub weepto grow lush. the cat, half in light and lounging in the window of the real estate office:he stares at the big people living, stacked domino in the blueprint of some montague street [End Page 675]
wo chan is a poet and drag performer living in Brooklyn. Wo is the author of the chapbook Order the World, Mom, and has received honors from the New York Foundation of the Arts, Kundiman, Lambda Literary, and the Asian American Writers Workshop. As a standing member of the Brooklyn-based drag/burlesque collective Switch N' Play, Wo has performed at venues including the Whitney, Joe's Pub, National Sawdust, New York Live Arts, and BAM Fisher.
