Living with Chronic Pain and Addiction

I was living a nightmare. A non-stop nightmare that pulled me into a black vortex of a never-ending feeling of hopelessness. This was my life of addiction to opiates.

My addiction began with a serious auto accident in 1991. That accident caused a broken back, and the beginning of years of exams, tests, surgeries and medications. Medications that I fell in love with.

My first experience with Vicodin brought me an inner pleasure I could not compare to anything else in my life. I became addicted and went from Vicodin to stronger medications in a short period of time. I had a shopping list of opiates I depended on for my existence. My addiction had taken over my life and I went from a working young father one day to a numb, obsessed addict the next.

At 54 years old, I have had 18 back-related surgeries including having stainless steel hardware put into my spine, pain pumps, pain stimulators and several other back surgeries. I have been through eight drug and alcohol related rehabilitation centers all due to my deadly addiction to opiates, drugs and alcohol. Addiction and chronic pain took me to places that were dark, scary and hopeless.

My addiction may have started due to the back injury, however I used more and more drugs due to my addiction than the need for pain relief. Opiates may have made the pain a bit better at first, but after a while it did not help much and I was just taking it for my own selfish reasons.

After15 years of addiction, my life was saved by medical professionals who cared enough to walk beside me and care enough to hold me accountable for my own destructive behaviors and actions. A local doctor finally sat me down and told me I was an addict. He said that if I didn't make a change, I would not be alive much longer. His recommendation was for me to go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota to be evaluated for my back and addiction issues. I took the trip the following day and was blessed to be admitted for evaluations. I was seen, evaluated and placed in the Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Out-Patient Clinic for four weeks. Attending PRC gave me the opportunity to meet others like myself. These were people who lived in chronic pain and had had no success in finding a cure. As I attended this program I learned new techniques on how to live with chronic pain. Techniques such as bio-feedback, relaxation, deep breathing, appropriate exercise, cognitive therapies, sleep hygiene, time control and moderation. I slowly learned how to utilize these techniques in my daily schedule and to depend on new ways to live with the pain.

While at Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Clinic, it was decided that my medications would be decreased and my internal dilaudid pain pump would be turned off. As an addict, this was a terrifying thought. However, after speaking with the medical professionals I had built a trust with, I agreed to go through with their plan. Over the next few days and weeks they turned my pump down until it was completely off and decreased my oral medications to nearly none.

This was unchartered ground for me and I began to go through withdrawals. I was very sick due to my body's dependence on these drugs. However, I began to come out of the cloud of withdrawal and feel better. This was the first time I had been nearly drug free in many years and I felt as though I might have a future worth living.

Addiction to opiates had taken my life, my family, my friends, my faith, and my happiness. Instead I had been filled with depression, mental pain, suicidal thoughts and idealization, and a darkness I could not escape. Now for the first time in a very long time I had hope and was living life using the techniques I was taught at Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Clinic.

After my four-week stay at PRC, I was referred to the Mayo...