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  • And How Much of These Hills Is Gold
  • C Pam Zhang (bio)

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Photo by Garry Hayes

[End Page 42]

Ba dies in the night, prompting them to seek two silver dollars. [End Page 43]

Sam's tapping an angry beat come morning, but Lucy, before they leave, feels a need to speak. Silence weighs hard on her, pushes till she gives way. Leaking apologies or Ha ha has.

"Sorry," she says now to Ba in his bed. The sheet that tucks him is the only clean stretch in this dim and crusty room, every surface sticky with tobacco spit. Ba didn't heed the mess while living, and in death his mean squint goes right past it. Past Lucy. Straight to Sam. Sam the favorite, round bundle of impatience tapping at the door in too-big boots. Sam clung to Ba's every word and now won't even meet the man's gaze. That's when it hits Lucy: Ba really is gone.

She digs a toe into the dirt floor, rooting for better words. Words to make them listen. To spread benediction over years' worth of hurt. Dust hangs ghostly in the air, no wind to stir it.

Something prods her spine.

"Pow," Sam says. Ten to Lucy's twelve, wood to her water, as Ma liked to say, Sam is nonetheless shorter by a full foot. Looks young, deceptively soft. "Too slow. You're dead." Sam cocks fingers back from pudgy fists and blows on the muzzle of an imaginary gun. The way Ba used to. Proper way to do things, Ba said, and when Lucy said Teacher Lee said these new guns didn't clog and didn't need blowing, Ba judged the proper way was to slap her. Stars burst behind her eyes, a flint of pain sharp in her nose.

Lucy's nose never did grow back straight. She thumbs it, thinking. Proper way, Ba said, was to let it heal itself. He didn't believe in bai ren medicine. When he looked at Lucy's face after the bloom of bruise faded, he nodded right quick. Like he planned it all along. Proper that you should have something to rememory you for sassing.

There's dirt on Sam's face, sure, and gunpowder rubbed on to look (Sam thinks) like Injun warpaint, but beneath it all, Sam's face is unblemished.

Just this once, because Ba's big muck-shovel hands are helpless and stiff under the blanket—and maybe she is good, is smart, thinks in some part of her that riling Ba might make him stand and swing at her jaw—Lucy does what she never does. She cocks her hands, points her fingers. Prods Sam in the chin, at the join where Injun paint gives way to baby fat.

"Pow yourself," Lucy says. She pushes Sam like an outlaw into the street. [End Page 44]


Noon sun sucks them dry. Street stretched shimmering and dusty as snakeskin. End of the dry season, rain a distant memory. They keep quiet, saving spit. The clapboard buildings loom gray now that heat's flaked the paint away. People lounge in shadow like dragon lizards. Like lizards, only their eyes move.

Old Jim sits in the general store, scritching in his ledger. It's wide as him and twice as heavy. They say Jim's got every birth and fight, every stolen horse or heart in the territory written down.

"Excuse us, sorry," Lucy murmurs, weaving through the older kids who loiter near the candy. Kids who skip school, whose eyes are perpetually wobbling, looking for a solution to their boredom. "Pardon me." She bobs her head, shrinks herself small. The kids part lazily, arms knocking at Lucy's shoulders. They swivel to watch her pass.

Jim's still looking down.

"Excuse me, sir?"

A half-dozen eyes prick Lucy's back, but Jim doesn't look. She bites her lip. Knowing the idea's a bad one but not knowing any better, Lucy edges her hand over the counter to flag Jim's attention.

When Jim's eyes snap up, they're bloody red. Devil...


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pp. 42-55
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