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Play: Your Murderer Vasilii Aksyonov YOUR MURDERER An Antialcoholic Comedy in Eight Scenes With a Prologue and an Epilogue ALEXANDRO- a writer MARIA - his fiancee MIQUELO - a painter GREGORO- a composer FEODORO - a radical liberal or liberal radical PORK SAUSAGE - the idol of the nation SANDWICH MEN (1, 2, and 3) - they are also Stockholders H9pding a Controlling Share as well as policemen and attendants. MAN OF INDEPENDENT MEANS PLAYBOY ANNOUNCER BOBO LOLA CHIQUITO BLUE COLLAR WORKER WHITE COLLAR WORKER GENERAL The action takes place in our times in one of the tropical countries of the New World. This country and its nation were only established at the turn of the last century and perhaps due to this fact some kind of confusion still prevails as well as certain tendencies toward banditry, swindling, corruption and alcoholism. But the main cause of all these nasty things is, needless to say, the capitalist system with its fierce and ruthless battles among monopolies. SCENE 1 The rear of the stage presents a contemporary earthly "paradise": an endless line of dazzlingly golden beaches and equally dazzling white skyscrapers, a bright shining blue sky with advertising sausages and balloons in it. At the front ofthe stage - the trunk ofa palm tree. Alexandro sits perched in the palm. Below under the palm Maria, Miquelo and Gregoro are on their knees looking up at Alexandro. MARIA: Are you shaking it? ALEXANDRO: Yes, of course, I'm shaking it. Can't you see I am? MIQUELO: (Naively.) But why doesn't anything fall down? III MARIA: Because he's doing a lousyjob of shaking. GREGORO: (Bighearted.)No, he's not doing such a lousy jobof shaking. MARIA: If you ask me, he's not shaking it at all. He's been brooding about what's going to happen to us! He's a maniac, that's what he is! MIQUELO: Hey, Alexandro, shake it a little harder! GREGORO: Yesterday he shook it somewhat more energetically! MARIA: Well, I should hope so! Yesterday we still had something to eat. Alex! If you want me to love you, shake it like a man! (Alexandro shakes the palm tree with redoubled force, but unfortunately nothing falls down.) ALEXANDRO: Hey, friends, hey, Maria, congratulate me! I just thought up a brilliant denouement.Tbe forces of evil will be driven back and crushed. Listen, you guys, I'm a genius! No doubt about it. You'll all be totally delighted with what's going to happen to you. Everything will be absolutely marvelous. MIQUELO: Who can last till the denouement on an empty stomach! GREGORO: It's a waste of breath even talkingabout it. MARIA: That crazy writer is planning to starve us to death. He's going to send his friends to kingdom come, and drive his beloved into the grave. The tyrant! (The noise ofan approaching helicopter can be heard.) MIQUELO: That helicopter's coming by again. GREGORO: (Looking up.) It's the advertising helicopter for the Masculinus Company again. Look at that huge bottle it's pulling! MIQUELO: I wonder who designs those labels for them? I'd say he's a good artist. GREGORO: You'd have done a better job, old boy. (The noise of the helicopter's motor grows louder and louder. A song amplied through a loud-speaker driftsdown from the helicopter.) Masculinus! Masculinus! Won't you cheer us! Won't you cheer us! Throughout the world both son and dad To drink this whisky would be glad Masculinus! MARIA: What wouldn't I give for a glass of Masculinus right now. Oh, I'm sick and tired being poor! GREGORO: What a primitive tune! I'd have written a better one for them. MIQUELO: Ofcourse, you'd have written a better one, after all you're ... (The noise ofthe motor drowns outhis words.) POWERFUL VOICE FROM THE HELICOPTER: Greetings! Greetings! The Masculinus Company greets the entire adult population of this great country of ours! We take pleasure in informing you that starting today ten additional Masculinus bars will be opened along the shore. If due to illness or advanced age you are unable to visit your local Masculinus bar, our boys will be glad to...

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