- One More Failed Attempt to Get Over You
I find someone on fetlife that looks a little bit like youand ask them to cosplay you and to use your namefor the homemade gluten-free dairy-free pizza datewe planned but never got to have and they come oversmiling with only half their mouthwhich proves they’ve studied the photosI felt weird about sending themthey hold my hip bones while I cookthey call me all the names you called methey spin me around and press me into the counterand kiss me so hard on my mouth I feel the scrapeand crack of skin soon the pizza is donethe crust is made of cauliflower they love itthey almost eat too much and I saywait no you’d never eat that much at one sittingbecause of your Jewish belly troublesit almost ruins it but they sipthe Japanese whiskey you like and say“I am so lucky to have you who loves me”after dinner they ask to come to my roomthey crawl into my gray sheetsI’m on top I call them your name againI say tell me they say “yes yes oh yes”the taste is wrong butthey touch me in the places you touched meand did not touch me [End Page 247] they say the words you saidand did not saytheir breathing reminds me of yoursand their voice old tobaccosoft belly round thighsthe hairstyle and contouring makeup are goodI almost can’t tell I almost believeI ask if they want to be heldof course they do like you didthey press their back into mewe are both fetusesthey are little spoon I am jetpackforearm over belly fingers under ribsI hold them all night like thatlike we didand for a few unconscious hourseverything is okay againexcept that the smell in their armpitsis wrong all wrong. [End Page 248]
Jade Sylvan (they/them/their), called a “risqué queer icon” by the Boston Globe, is an award-winning author, poet, screenwriter, producer, and performing artist heavily rooted in the literary and performance community of Cambridge and Somerville, Massachusetts. They wrote a book called Kissing Oscar Wilde and are currently writing sci-fiburlesque theater and supernatural nun smut.