Curing Homophobia and Other Conservative Pathologies

TWENTIETH ANNIVER SARY ofthe economy thatrequirethe restofus to discard the old and endlessly consume the new. Such an attitude is notonlyecologicallydestluctive; itis alsomorallyillegitimate , and leadsto asocietythat devalues elders. SEPTEMBER/ OCTOBER 1993 IVOLUME 8, NUMBER 5 CuringHomophobia and OtherCons ervative Pathologies by MichaelLerner T HE ATTRACTION OF conservative politics is precisely that it promises rigid boundaries and assistance in repressing the parts ofthe male psyche that are traditionallyseen as feminine, soft, caring, and giving. Conservative politics provides a variety ofrationales for negating this part ofthe male personality, for assumingthatthese parts are notfunctional for the society, andfor strengtheningsex roles that re-enforce the macho energy needed to repress desirefor nurturing , and in particular, to repress the parts ofthe male this force thatwelled up, notjust in American society, but all over the world, in a veryshorttime,from 1965 to 1971, a huge opening-upthatoccurred inwhich the social space between people wentfrom being relatively emptyto relativelyfull in a waythatwas startlingto the heart and enabled us to powerfully manifestour presenceto each other as historical actors. Itwas as if wepreviouslyhadbeen surroundedby an invisible shield, andsomething was happening thatwas allowing us tobreak into authenticconnection \l\litheach other. Webecame real. The core insightthatgavebirthto Tikkun was the emergence ofpresence into public space, whereyou felt there\l\litb other people in a profoundlyrealand vitalizingway, in a relationship ofwhatI later cameto call mutual recognition. This hadto dowith more than the economy andthe external aspects ofreality. Ithad to do with social ontology, with ourbeing-together as an independent aspectofreality. And I felt thatthe social, spiritual, and psychological dynamics attendantto this act ofbecoming present-and the falling awayfrom that-had to be understood in order for us to develop an approach to politics andsocial change thatwould work personality that might still be struggling with the desireto be like the nurturingmother. Wheneveryou see a man rigidly insisting on the traditional macho style, allowyourselfto see underneath this a child desperate for love, attention, and caring, who has been forced to deny and repress those needs. All this comes to the fore most intensely in the male homophobe. The little boys in the school playground who are continually testing each other for softness are, in fact, trying to reassure themselves of their own control over their desire to be soft and nurturing; qualities that they know will make them look "like a girl." This is the ultimate insult precisely because what they most desire and fear are those parts ofthemselves that initially identified with a nurturing mother and then found betrayed, abandoned , or repressed, first by mother, then by the social arrangements ofa patriarchal society. The more unresolved the conflict, the more intense the need to assert one's maleness, and the more one feels threatened by those who are not doing so. The degree of macho is directly proportionate to the unresolved pain. Men who have made a career for themselves in the male-dominated, male-bonding, military establishment are often those who are most intenselyin need of these external supports to buttress their defenses The anti-war and Civil Rights movements were the initial phase ofprotest. Butwhenthe counterculture and the old Left merged in thelate Sixties, there was a differentlevel ofbreakthrough in which the world cameto appear profoundlydistorted and even insane. The war seemed to be a kind ofnormal expression ofan insane, lost consciousness, cut offfrom itself, cut offfrom the soul ofour common humanity. Wefelt we were unable to recognize each other as humanbeings andwere living in some fantasy world. Thatwas not an individual emotional insight; that was a collective awareness thatjust became evident to millions ofpeople in a kind ofricochet ofinsight, more orless all at once. That'swhen the movement tookoff. One dayyou'dbe in a demonstration, and the ne.ll."t dayyou'd read aboutmillions in a similar demonstration in Prague, in Guadalajara. There was something alivein theworldthat was palpable,thatwas ricochetingfrom person to person acrosstheplanet. There was a transformation ofthe social spacebetween people. Thatexperiencethatthewhole world was crazy was the beginning ofmyfeeling thatwe needed a 24 TIKKUN WWW.TIKKUN . ORG NOVEMBER/ DECEMBER 2006 against the allure ofthe caring and nurturance they were forced to abandon when they were young. No wonder, then, that they are particularly threatened by homosexuals' presence in the...