Meditation in Bombs

96 RUSSELL JAFFE MEDITATION IN BOMBS • Boys like me are not • but triggers. • I’m a memory man whose abridged epitaph will say mem. • I’m a man when • the vcr loops— • tape over the cassette square • reinforces my resolve, not just recording but the way I record, • decision making, loops you make watching tv in the living room: • To blow or not? • Timed mines: • What softens you as a kid. • I like cartoons and wrestling because the • problem of palatability is • answered in explosions. • My favorite wrestler • Bam Bam Bigelow had • tattoos of flames on his head • and wrestling singlet, • but in later days he was rounder. • And Marvin the Martian’s head was • blasted back like young eyes tend to be. • Looney Tunes bombs: Circular. • It comes back to that often, • the only way I know atoms: • motion, dead tv signals that • used to be static, now a light blue • the color of distance. • Dirty bombs: relevant, and reminders of what you’ll be. • Though I won’t let a day ruin this vcr. • 90s wwf living rooms • are the tepid baths I’ll • shy away from as a teen • in throat surgery recovery 97 • and hangover humiliations • I’ll loop forever piecemeal like the • controllers I broke I threw at my brother. • So stick to your minefields, • I do mine. ...