Understanding the phenomenon of sexual desire discrepancy in couples

Given that desire levels tend to fluctuate over time, discrepancies in sexual desire are an inevitable feature of sexual relationships. However, we know little about how such desire discrepancies relate to a couple’s sexual satisfaction. Past studies that have examined the association between sexual desire discrepancy and sexual satisfaction in college/university samples have had inconsistent findings. Also, the results may not generalize to more established romantic relationships. The current study compared two different conceptualizations of sexual desire discrepancy; perceived sexual desire discrepancy was assessed by asking a participant to subjectively compare his/her own level of sexual desire to that of his/her partner. Actual desire discrepancy was computed by subtracting the female partner’s score on a self-report measure of sexual desire from the male partner’s score on the same measure. In Sample 1, we examined the relationship between actual sexual desire discrepancy and sexual satisfaction for 82 couples in committed long-term relationships. In Sample 2, we investigated the association between perceived sexual desire discrepancy and sexual satisfaction for 191 individuals in committed long-term relationships. Our results showed that higher perceived, but not actual, desire discrepancy was associated with lower sexual satisfaction. In addition, we found that perceived desire discrepancy outcomes differed when measured using different response scales. Findings highlight methodological issues to consider when measuring sexual desire discrepancy and extend the literature by showing that perceived sexual desire discrepancy is associated with sexual satisfaction for couples in committed long-term relationships. Limitations of the current study and implications for future research are discussed.