Poem for Myself for My Birthday

W I N T E R 2 0 1 1 W W W. T I K K U N . O R G T I K K U N 73 PoemforMyselfforMyBirthday It’scomingatmeagain,damn,likethatelephantwithitsschooneringearscharginginUganda. Wewereokay,wethought,inourRover,soitwasanicemixofscaryandthrilling,plusastorytotell— thatbehemoth,Wow! snortingafewyardsoffinthebush,wavinghishugecrushingtusks. Thenrushingoutatus.At us.Likemybirthday.Likethinkingofbirthdays,thisone,thenext, thenexttolastand—ouch—thelast,allstampedingtowardsmelikethatmostlikelyilloutlaw, ponderouslookingbutsofastonhisfeetyoucan’tevendreamofdancingoutoftheway. Outoftheway!Steponthegas!Whew!Outofthere!Safe!...Wait,though,I’mnotsafe— thistimemybirthday’satractor-trailerskiddingsidewaysoniceandI’mnoodlingbyonmybike, mydarlingoldRaleigh,andthewholeframe’spretzledaroundme.Happybirthday?Oh,please. Mylasthappy wasthatfirstonewithaparty—gooeybrowncakeandfourbeautifulcandles. Andthey’resingingtome!Evennowitseemsworthhavinglostoneofmynotenoughyears. Ilovebeingsungto.Andhownotlovethatsong?Especially“…toyou!”Tobe“you”inasong! NowI’mtoooften“you”tomyself.Youselfishbastard,youindolentslug.Whendidthathappen? IseetheDalaiLama’sbirthday’shere,too.Inhisphoto,hepumpsatreadmilllikeaprayer-wheel, andproclaims,(boasts?admits?)“Ivisualizemydeatheveryday.”Iwonderifhe’sever“you”tohimself? Speakingofvisualization:JacobGlatshteynhasapoem,“FormyTwoHundredthBirthday,” whereheseeshimself“talkingofwords”withfriends,thenmakinglovetohisshining,softmaid. Verysweet—nostalgiaforthefuture—ingeniousdevicewhenyourpresent’sallbutusedup. Butforgetthemeshugenehfuture—Ican’tevengetthepaststraight:everythingkeepspoppingupchanged. It’slikenotbeingin,butbeing,oneofthosemoviesthatstartswithaflash-forward,thenbeforeyouknowit theplot’smovedaheadandyou’rebothbackwhereyoubeganandwayouthereneartheend. DidGlatshteyn’swifeeverforgivehimthatsucculentpoem-maid?Catherinewouldgocrazy. NoproblemfortheDalaiLama,celibateasheis,thoughI’dbetthere’vebeenenough“maids”hecouldhave… Well,sleptwith,thewayGandhisleptwithyounggirlswhenhewasold—tokeepwarm,heavowed. AsdidKingDavid.Allthosethankyounotestobewritten,thoseapologyphonecalls.Youliar.Youcheat. HappyBirthdaytome.TheDalaiLamaandMe.Bynowthatpoorstrickenelephant’sprobablydead. Tohim,too,HappyReturns.Andme,spinningbyonmybike,singing,“Toyou;oh,toyou.” —C.K.Williams ...