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WINTER 2014 23 “Every Letter I Receive from You Makes Me Love You All the More” Joseph Underwood’s Letters as a Case Study in Domestic Masculinity and Parenting by Proxy Jennifer A. Walton-Hanley M y dear wife,” began Joseph Underwood, “I am depressed with the feeling which overwhelms you at our parting. I am lonesome in this city because my spouse my beloved is not here. There is no one to kiss and cheer me. It is hard that we cannot live together.” When Joseph penned these lines to his wife Elizabeth in 1851, he temporarily resided in Washington, D.C., while his beloved family lived 695 miles away in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Joseph did not relish the thought of living apart from his family, but his duties as United States senator from March 1847 through March 1853 required regular periods of prolonged absence forcing him to rely on his wife for family updates. Joseph, whose disciplined and successful political career fulfilled critical elements of nineteenth-century elite masculinity, embraced a passion for his wife and family and begged Elizabeth for the minute details of the day-to-day happenings in the household he chose to leave behind. Joseph’s separation sparked sentimental outpourings characteristic of an antebellum southern companionate marriage.1 Joseph and Elizabeth’s written record of their domestic affairs consists of hundreds of letters written to one another over the course of a four-year separation from 1849 to1853. Their letters are a case study of one Kentucky man’s struggles to preserve his domestic connections and maintain his family position despite his extended absences. For the Underwoods, their letters expressed and engendered an intimate and pragmatic connection between them. Although the Underwoods’ correspondence was never intended for a broad public audience, Joseph urged Elizabeth to preserve his letters for their children. In August 1850, Joseph wrote to his wife, “I shall preserve your letters and bring them to you to be kept for the children. Keep mine. Our correspondence will be the history of our lives in our domestic relations.” Because of their personal nature, the Underwood letters provide a refreshingly honest account of antebellum life in the Ohio Valley. Unwittingly, Joseph recognized the historical significance of his correspondence “ “EVERY LETTER I RECEIVE FROM YOU MAKES ME LOVE YOU ALL THE MORE” 24 OHIO VALLEY HISTORY long before professional historians and librarians had ever examined his personal papers.2 The vast correspondence between Joseph and Elizabeth Underwood offers an important window into antebellum Kentucky domesticity. The term masculine domesticity acknowledges that nineteenthcentury men were content and confident in their role as husbands and fathers, allowing them to exhibit a deep emotional bond with their wives and children. Margaret Marsh outlines three separate conditions for a model of northern masculine domesticity: companionate marriage; a husband with a steady income whose job afforded him more leisure time at home; and the security of a private family dwelling where the entire family tested and explored ideas about family and gender. Reading like a nineteenth-century love story, Joseph and Elizabeth’s correspondence reveals a tale of Kentucky family life that illustrates Marsh’s model of northern masculine domesticity characterized by intimacy, spirited communication, financial stability, and shared parenting by proxy. Their relationship therefore met all the requirements of masculine domesticity with one glaring exception: Joseph’s political career made it impossible for him to spend his free time with his family. Elizabeth willingly and capably managed the household , but this did not diminish Joseph’s intense desire for home and hearth. With only rare exceptions, Joseph’s letters reveal a powerful yearning to be home and desire for inclusion in all aspects of his family’s lives.3 Historians have long recognized the importance of nineteenth-century letter writing as a window into the private lives of American citizens. In her study of courtship in the United States, Ellen Rothman notes that letter writing was a critical component of personal relationships between men and women beginning with courtship. By the 1800s, letters were characterized by an emphasis on intimate matters such as romance and emotion instead of simple reports about current events and updates on physical health...

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