Constant
Buy Issue for $25 at JHUP- Constant
(for M)
It is following you and you can’t escape.You cannot hold your head up or be happy.You lose your confidence. You turn a corner: it is there.You cannot step on it; make it disappear.You are feeling many complicated things.Dawn raids strike and you are terrified.You are imprisoned in your own life.Every time you go to the Home Office, there it is.They make you feel inhuman. Every word you speak,A complete lie. An untruth. You cannot beginTo imagine. It is always there. Constant.It is your only companion. There is no freedom.There is just this fear. You can’t really describe it.It gets everywhere. It gets in your hair.Under your arms; between your legs.It gives you a bad taste in your mouth.You can see it in your eyes; hear it in your voice.It is hard to describe. It never takes a break.When you walk away, it follows you. When youStay inside, it stays by your side, so quiet.It is under your skin. It is your heartbeat.Never leaves you be. It is you. It is me.It will stroke your hand when you die. [End Page 267]
Jackie Kay, Professor of Creative Writing at Newcastle University, was born and brought up in Scotland. The Adoption Papers, her first book of poems, won the Forward Prize, a Saltire prize, and a Scottish Arts Council Prize. Fiere, her most recent collection of poems, was shortlisted for the Costa Book Award. Her novel Trumpet won The Guardian Fiction Award and was shortlisted for the IMPAC award. Red Dust Road: An Autobiographical Journey won the Scottish Book of the Year Award and the London Book Award. In 2006, she was awarded an MBE, and in 2002 she was made a fellow of the Royal Society of Literature. Her book of stories Wish I Were Here won the Decibel British Book Award. Her most recent book is Reality, Reality, a collection of short stories. She is also the author of plays and books for children.
