Singles Ad: Short 6-legged Go-getter Seeks 2-legged Restoration Partner for Long-term Relationship

I’m quiet, but I’m really very social and I think we can have a very productive relationship. I thought I’d introduce myself to see if we can consider a partnership and see where it leads.

I’m outdoorsy, and like to hang out in all kinds of habitats, from fields to woods, sometimes even in deserts. I’m full of curiosity and I like long walks, stopping occasionally to explore or grab something to eat. Sometimes I find wild foods that I like to bring back home to store for later or to share with my family. Other times I feel adventurous and just want to climb trees to experience new areas that I’ve have never been to before. I sometimes like exploring underground areas too, searching for little secret places where I can rest and keep cool. What fun.

I’m very family-oriented, almost to a fault, I’ll admit. I’m devoted to my mom. (Dad deserted us before I was born. This happens to lots of families in our community, I’ve learned, but we manage.) My siblings and I spend lots of time together, working around our home, cleaning up, or going out around the neighborhood. We have great times: once my sister and I found a colorful little caterpillar in the woods and brought it home to share with the youngsters; they loved it.

I do enjoy good food, all kinds of things. I crave sweet things and different grains, but I’m no vegetarian. I’ll devour a good morsel of meat no matter how it’s served up, even raw or dry aged. Yum. I’ve got big eyes, I know, but I’m no glutton; people who know me well know I’ll put away left overs for a future meal, not eat it up right away. Believe me; I’ve got a very thin waist!

I’ve noticed restorationists out in the woods. I think I’d like try out a close relationship with you people. The work you do is just so interesting and I think it’s really important, important to me especially as well as to so many others. So much of what I’m good at I really think would help improve your restoration ecology work. I don’t have much of a formal education, but people say I have really great instincts and am full of energy, so I really get a lot done.

I’m really great at improving soil. You know that’s so important to modern restoration practice. I can help aerate and improve soil horizons and break down litter and other organic matter into small parcels that will build soil fertility. Eventually, this will increase survivorship of young plants and help your restoration projects be sustainable; this really aids value to the project, helps people see the progress year after year. So much of the soil you restorationists bring in is very poor quality. Not your fault; I know how hard it is to find fertile topsoil. I can chop up leaves and mix the stuff in with the mineral soil to improve soil structure. I can do this day after day and don’t need any reminding! My buddies and I are really troopers. You should see us marching around the woods!

I can also help support the food webs in your new restored habitats. There’s something about me that attracts lots of birdlife and even herps. I don’t think a day in the field goes by when there aren’t flickers around me, and so many times I see pileated woodpeckers near my home, so exciting. So the food web increases in quality and your projects are more biodiverse and sustainable. Oh, it’s not just because I’m around, of course, but I know I help. Eventually, having more bird species around also increases public enjoyment and appreciation of your work. Love those cultural ecological services!

I can help you out even long after your restoration projects are initiated. I’m terrific at...