Zero Degrees Fahrenheit

The words that follow present a heterosexual, nonfiction Love story of the North. The male protagonist is an Ironist. The female protagonist is skeptical of Irony. As of yet, no antagonism exists between them. They do share differences in opinion, approach, family history, exercise preference, birth date, and of course, genital anatomy. She was born in June. He was born in July. Ironically, at twenty-seven, it is He who still believes in True Love Always (TLA) whereas She, at thirty-three, has become dubious of the theorem. She will consider the possible existence of Eternally Latent Bliss (ELB) but that depends on how you define your terms (in particular the "B" term). Regardless of polemics, both protagonists recognize the dangers of confusing either TLA or ELB with LSD, Lascivious Systemic Delusion (a.k.a.: the lowdrums or the LaLas).

Now for the North part.

Both Lovers live in Fairbanks, a city that sits approximately sixty-five degrees north of the equator and serves as the second largest population center in the northernmost United State of Alaska. With a centralized populous of no more than thirty thousand human beings, and with thousands of square miles of tundra on all sides, it would probably be better to call Fairbanks a town. Both Lovers rent cabins on the outskirts of town. The cabins are cheap and come complete with sleeping lofts but without the luxury of running water. Outhouses are easy enough to become accustomed to, however the absence of on-site showers can make the maintenance of optimal genital hygiene a challenge. She does try to visit the swimming pool at least three times per week.

Given the northern latitude, and given this is a Love story of the North, the events that follow will take place in winter. Both Lovers will (and do) know how to ski. Given the flat topography of their immediate surroundings, in this story They will exclusively ski cross-country (a.k.a.: Nordic style). Occasionally there will be small hills to climb and then descend. As a fiction writer, He would say that the mixing of narrative artistry and athleticism is inappropriate. She would say that She is not a particularly good listener. And I would agree.

On the first day of the actualized northern Love affair the ambient temperature in the city-town of Fairbanks will be (and was) minus thirteen degrees Fahrenheit. The Love affair begins by accident (as it would and did) when the female protagonist joins the male protagonist for a Nordic ski. Driving toward the ski trail in His maroon-colored Chevrolet sedan, She does not mention the two-wheel-drive quality of the decidedly un-Alaskan vehicle. Instead, She reads the numbers on a digital thermometer visible through the passenger-side window. "Minus thirteen degrees Fahrenheit," She announces. "Pretty good temperature for Nordic skiing."

He nods, continues driving the icy roads of the small Fairbanks city that should probably be called a town, and their lives will never be (and aren't) precisely the same again.

A word now about nonfiction.

I (whoever I am) affirm that all statements that follow are True except possibly the contents of one paragraph that may or may not be True. That's right. In the name of narrative intrigue and/or to protect the True characters in this nonfiction Love story, one paragraph may include intentional misrepresentation of the otherwise verifiable time-space-temperature continuum. Having requested and presumably received Your agreement, I will also say that the statements (one paragraph and one paragraph only) which are neither verifiably factual nor necessarily verisimilar have nothing to do with measurable air temperature, clothing, food, or geographic location. The paragraph in question may include direct reference to color.

And one more thing. Please forgive the awkwardly shifting verb tense. Given the nonfiction nature of this emotionally laden narrative, a clear grasp on temporal relativity is challenging (if not impossible) to achieve. The heart frequently confuses the...