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IT HAS BEEN SAID* and collected by I. N. DUBINt "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."—Oscar Wilde Sir Lewis Morris was complaining to Oscar Wilde about the neglect of his poems by the press. "It is a complete conspiracy of silence. What ought 1 to do, Oscar?" "Join it," replied Wilde. If a professor thinks what matters most Is to have gained an academic post Where he can earn a livelihood, and then Neglect research, let controversy rest, He's but a petty tradesman at the best, Selling retail the work of other men. Kalidasa (from the Sanskrit) "When a man's enemy is in the water up to the middle, let him reach him his hand and help him from danger; but when he is up to the chin, set his foot on his head and drown him out of hand."—Old Italian proverb "Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own, which is the chief reason for that kind reception it meets with in the world."—Jonathan Swift *Material appearing under this title is collected with the aim of making the serious a bit less serious, the ponderous a bit less heavy, and the reading hours a bit more fun. Toward this goal we invite a guest editor of this feature for each issue. Will readers volunteer to share their senses of humor by collecting or recollecting items that have brought smiles to their faces? We invite your participation. tMedical College of Pennsylvania and Hospital. 3300 Henry Avenue, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19129. 296 I /. N. Dubin ¦ It Has Been Said "Satire is a lonely and introspective occupation, for nobody can describe a fool to the life without much patient self-inspection."—Frank Moore Colby In former days we'd both agree That you were me, and I was you. What now has happened to us two, That you are you, and I am me? Bhartrhari (trans, from the Sanskrit by John Brough) "When I meet a man whose name I cannot remember," Disraeli said, "I give myself two minutes; then, if it is a hopeless case, I always say, 'And how is the old complaint?' " The Stomach "Some Physiologists will have it that the Stomach is a Mill; others, that it is a fermenting Vat; others, again that it is a Stew-pan; but in my view of the matter, it is neither a Mill, a fermenting Vat nor a Stew-pan—but a Stomach, Gentlemen, a Stomach."—John Hunter The Royal Füsure in Ano "Fissure of the fundament was early associated with consumption. It was an affliction of famous personages; Richelieu suffered in this way and also Louis XIV. Fashions were initiated by this condition for we read that the courtiers, after Louis XIV was operated on for fistula by Felix, applied dressings to themselves so that they could imitate his majesty's limp! It is recorded that the royal anus was cured and that Felix received a farm and 300,000 livres in addition to being created the Seigneur de Stains!"—G. B. Webb ("Tuberculosis") "The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes."—Jonathan Swift 'Flattery is like Kolone water, tew be smelt of, not swallowed."—Josh Billings Perspectives in Biology and Medicine ¦ Winter 1978 | 297 Do You Still Believe Printers' Errors Are Unintentional? From the Philadelphia Inquirer, August 4, 1977 "WASHINGTON—CIA Director Stansfield Turner testified yesterday that in an attempt to develop thought-control techniques reminiscent of Orwell's "1984," the CIA sponsored 149 projects involving drugs, hypnosis, shock, harassment and even magicians. . . . "John Gittinger, a retired CIA psychologist, testified that he interviewed prostitutes as part of his studies of brainwashing, interrogation techniques and sexual habits. "Also, according to CIA documents, purchase orders for the San Francisco house included ape [sic!] recorders." [How clever of the CIA! Who would ever suspect a bunch of apes sitting around taking notes in shorthand?] From the Washington Star, June 22, 1977 "1ST MRS. MANDEL SUBPOENAED FOR GOVERNOR'S TRIAL "BALTIMORE—Lawyers involved with the case say...


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