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THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO SOCIOBIOLOGY DOUGLAS H. BOUCHER* Synthesis In the beginning the Lord Gene created the heavens and the earth, and all the beasts thereof, and even the Groves of Academe. And many were those who dwelt in the Groves, and eminent their degrees, and numerous their words, even till the journals did overflow, so that they would not perish. But the dwellers of Academe became clamorous, and frictions did prevail, and great was the heat thereof. And the dwellers began to speak in many tongues, and strange were their words, each unto the other. Some spake in Anthropology, and some in Psychology, and some in Economics, and some in Sociology, and some in Music, and some in History, and some even in Literature. And the people of the Lord Gene spake in Biology, but none would heed them. So the Lord spake unto the people of Biology, saying: "Unto thee shall be given a New Synthesis, that shall be a mighty Synthesis, that shall reconcile all the peoples of Academe, the ones unto the others. And no longer shall they speak in Anthropology, nor in Psychology, nor in Economics , nor in Sociology, nor in Music nor in History, nor even in Literature ; but they all shall speak in Biology, every one. And their tongue shall be Biology no longer, but they shall be born again, and their words resynthesized, and their tongue shall be called SOCIOBIOLOGY. The people shall know their true natures, and they shall all behave, each according to his nature, and all shall dwell in peace and harmony. Great shall be their eminence, and many their disciples, and weighty their publications, and neither shall they perish, but their fitness shall be maximal forever." Thus sayeth the Lord. Thanks be to E. O. Wilson, for the idea of a "genetically accurate and hence completely fair code ofethics"; to Scott Schneider and Deborah Rabinowitz, for the inspiration; and to God, for the original. *Department of Biology, McGiIl University, 1205 Avenue Docteur Penfield, Montreal, Quebec, Canada H3A1B1.© 1981 by The University of Chicago. All rights reserved 003 1-5982/82/250 1 -0246$0 1 .00 Perspectives in Biology and Medicine · Autumn 1981 \ 63 The Ten Commandments The commandments of the Lord Gene unto the people of SOCIOBIOLOGY: I am the Lord thy Gene, which brought thee to life out of the slime of the ocean primeval. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not bow down to church, nor state, nor love, nor money, nor the needs of thy fellow creatures, but shall act only so as to Increase thy Fitness. For I the Lord thy Gene am a jealous god, visiting the maladaptiveness of the fathers upon the third and fourth generations of those that do not look out for their Fitness. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Gene in vain; but shall serve it with all thy heart and soul and mind and body and phenotype. Honor not thy Father nor thy Mother, for their interests and thine are in Conflict. Neither honor thy sister nor thy brother, except according to their Coefficient of Relatedness unto thee. Thou shalt commit adultery whenever possible, that thine Offspring be multiplied, but the cost of Parental Care be borne by others. Likewise shalt thou bear false witness, and Cheat, and Fail to Reciprocate Altruism, but with a guise of Sincerity, that others might not know thy Cheating. Especially shalt thou covet thy neighbor's wife, and house, and field, and ox, and ass, and everything else that is his; for with these thou canst Reproduce More, and he less, and thy Fitness shall Increase over his. Thus sayeth the Lord. The Sermon on the Mount And seeing the multitudes, he went up unto a mountain, and his graduate students came unto him. And he opened his mouth, and lectured , saying, Blessed are the Strong in Will, for theirs is the alpha position, and the right to many mates. Blessed are the Rich, for they shall inherit the goods, and survive well, and reproduce greatly. Blessed are they who neither Hunger nor Thirst, for they shall have time to compete for mates...


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