It Has Been Said

IT HAS BEEN SAID* by CARL A. DRAGSTEDTf [Note.—We are pleased to reprint the humor in rhyme of Dr. Carl A. Dragstedt , a long-time contributor to PBM.] THEN AND NOW When I was young, I Obeyed instructions and Kept my eye on the ball, My ear to the ground, My nose to the grind-stone, My hand to the plow, My foot on the brake, My shoulder to the wheel, And my head on my shoulders. In this complicated position, I got a lot of Abrasions, contusions, and calluses, Ulcers, sprains, and scars. So now I put My buttocks in a chair, My feet on a cushion, My elbow on a table, My hand on a glass, And my eye in a book. And when I add The things I don't get To the things I do, I say: "Thanks very much." *Material appearing under this title is collected with the aim of making the serious a bit less serious, the ponderous a bit less heavy, and the reading hours a bit more fun. Toward this goal we invite a guest editor of this feature for each issue. Will readers volunteer to share their senses of humor by collecting or recollecting items that have brought smiles to their faces? We invite your participation. t909 South Knight Avenue, Park Ridge, Illinois 60068. Perspectives in Biobgy and Medicine ¦ Summer 1977 | 569 THE DOUBLE HELIX A double helix is the way In which your genes are twisted; And they will have the final say, You're half-witted or two-fisted. Whether black or white or yellow, Red-headed or brunette, Will be determined by your genes And not by what you've et. You think you're Captain of your Soul And Master of your Fate, But you'd not even see the goal In case your genes were straight. I think it's sort of awesome, And very humble-ing, That so darn much depends upon A miniature bed-spring. COMPUTER-AGE DOCTOR I wasn't well, I had a spell Of virus overdoses; But in his eyes, I was a prize For modern diagnosis. We took some blood, Also my cud, And then some spinal fluid; Some urine too, The whole darn stew To a white-robed Druid. He flipped a switch, And took a hitch, In something made of pewter; Then fed my things, With garnishings, Into a big computer. Out came a check— 570 I CarlA. Dragstedt ¦ It Has Been Said "This guy's a wreck, And here's the diagnosis— He has to have His gonads out, Since he has halitosis." It seems it was Perhaps because Some juice fouled the computer; Or else a fuse Was the excuse, But nonetheless, I'm neuter. EQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN Equal rights for women Is just a big mistake, For after just a taste or two, They want the whole darn cake. They always had the right to teach All subjects in the schools, But now they want to drive the bus And handle all the tools. A group of them revolted, And set a church on fire, Because they were refused the right To sing bass in the choir. Now they shave their armpits, And sundry other places; But they will not be happy 'til They have to shave their faces. Nursing babies is a chore, And changing them a bother, They want to change the format so That they can be the father. They want the jobs that men have, But when they demonstrate, They say their main objective is That men should menstruate. "Whatever men can do, we'll do," Perspectives in Biology and Medicine ¦ Summer 1977 | 571 Their leaders keep restating; But Nature never planned that they Should stand while urinating. THE QUOTA SYSTEM I don't know where it started, I think it was Dakota, But everything we do henceforth, Is governed by a quota. We're consecrated to the goal That every aggregation Must demonstrate to all the world It's free of segregation. No matter what the group may be There is a firm priority, The next one that getsjoined to it Must come from a minority. We used...