Words and Images in the Time of AIDS

-S^. Words and Images in the Time of AIDS Photographs by Billy Howard* The Words ATLANTA, GEORGIA FEBRUARY 2, 1987 The nights are the hardest. Sometimes I'm afraid to go to sleep—afraid that I may not wake up. Going to my support group has helped me. I can talk more openly about my illness now, but I still have fears. I'm afraid I may die all alone. What's more frightening is that no one will care. Ron NEW YORK, NEW YORK MAY 25, 1988 Hello My name is Michael, Have Faith and Trust in god He'll Always Bring you through When you walk through a storm Keep your head up high. I am Love Mike *These photographs are from Billy Howard's Epitaphs for the Living: Words and Images in the Time of AIDS (Dallas: Southern Methodist University Press, 1989). Copyright © 1989 by Southern Methodist University Press. Reproduced by permission of BiUy Howard and Southern Methodist University Press. Literature and Medicine 10 (1991) 83-85 © 1991 by The Johns Hopkins University Press 84 WORDS AND IMAGES IN THE TIMES OF AIDS ATLANTA, GEORGIA OCTOBER 22, 1987 To those that I love so dearly— Thank you. You have been my inspiration, my life these past 16 months of diagnosis. I am grateful for this time that I have had to spend with you. I am saddened that I will have to leave you someday. Thank you, Ron. Thank you, Mom & Dad. I love you. Pat Life is such a precious gift! It has been very hard to watch life melt away from the one I love and I can do nothing, but be there and love him with all my heart. I love you, Pat. Ron SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA JUNE 16, 1988 San Francisco August 1. 1988 The record reads: "Forty six year old Caucasian female, with estranged husband, and twenty four year old son. Transfused during kidney surgery in November of 1981 .... The initial diagnosis was received on March 5 1987, well over a year after the New York City Blood Bank informed the doctors at New York Hospital that the blood used was infected. No effort was made to inform me. I am Andrée, and I had to make a decision whether I would live with Aids or die of Aids, whether to get bitter or better. I choose better. Life has become another rite of passage full of risks, dangers, and in these moments of quiet, a time of deep gratitude for allowing me this time of adventure, surrounded by loving friends, fine care & reality. Andrée Walton ATLANTA, GEORGIA NOVEMBER 11, 1987 _λ_ ^-^ *~^ T^ -*■ΊΓ~Ζ J^ -^JL Λ~+_. ^¿^« ^^ T \\iiW A^ ^ tot-¿>J uJ ftoc -^ViOjhL^ A S^'i·1 U0^ â– rtvv*_ / TÃ-iyá^. Tuait /M.>j^L·^-~-y^rT^~^./v^rw«C- (ULrW,~t~M.j ¿tz^^jL·^ ^JZJ^j^ i^SCL· 44^ Billy Howard 85 ATLANTA, GEORGIA SEPTEMBER 12, 1987 Today I read something at Yom Kippur services which helped me decide what to write here— "Alas for those who cannot sing but die with all their music in them." As I go on living with Aids I want to keep singing and hope that friends will continue to hear me—even when the song is a sad one— J NEW YORK, NEW YORK MAY 24, 1988 And so it comes to this—presenting myself as an icon of the dying tribe. Sonntag's two great visions merge here—the insidious ubiquity of photography, and illness as metaphor. The disease has robbed me of the life to which my whole life was shaped, and I am left with existence only, enduring each day of anguish with distractions from desperation. I may survive this viral invasion—a cure may be found or my body may rebound. AU the while, suicide beckons. Meanwhile, I behave, mastering pretence, so that no one else need carry the burden of knowing that I'm busted. Marco Rossi ATLANTA, GEORGIA FEBRUARY 29, 1988 My Dear Friends, Besides a cure for AIDS, I have two major desires. I would like to educate the general pubUc about AIDS to end the ignorance that causes hysteria and discrimination...