In lieu of an abstract, here is a brief excerpt of the content:

TDR: The Drama Review 45.4 (2001) 152-153

[Access article in PDF]

Up Your Ass
an excerpt from the play by Valerie Solanas

[The Simplest Surrealist Act]

BONGI: That's a slick little maxim--while the hand's rocking the cradle it won't be rocking the boat.

GINGER: There're plenty of male hands around to do whatever boat-rocking's necessary.

BONGI: I've met quite a few hairy old male hands in my day, and it's not the boat they're grabbling for.

CAT: Why should it be? It's a man's world.

BONGI: Only by default.

GINGER: Default or not, I think it's marvelous.

CAT: Sure, in a man's world you broads have the ultimate weapon--sex.

BONGI: Then how come we've never had a sexy president?

CAT: (to BONGI) Why don't you run for president?

BONGI: Nah, I like to think big.

GINGER: Personally, I'd hate to see a woman president.

CAT: Why? Women're just as good as men in every way.

BONGI: I've had just about enough of your insults.

GINGER: Well, whether they are or not, we'll never have one. Never! We never have... ("So there" voice) ...and we never will. Will we, Russell?

RUSSELL: It's unthinkable.

BONGI: Maybe being president wouldn't be such a bad idea: I could eliminate the money system, and let the machines do all the work.

CAT: Thanks for the warning. I'll be sure to not vote for you. Sure, I'd like to not need bread--I don't want to have to combine marriage and a career--but the broads gotta need it. You know the S in the dollar sign? That stands for sex.

GINGER: Actually, there's something to be said for Bongi's system; men need leisure time.

CAT: What'll I do with all that leisure? Lay around with a big hard-on? [End Page 152]

GINGER: It's a sin to tie men down to jobs. Men're the hunters...

CAT: Yeah, I been doing a lot of that.

GINGER: ...the adventurers; they should be free to go off and invent and explore, soar off into the unknown.

RUSSELL: And leave the kids with the women? Corrode my son with femininity? Never! When mothers aren't competing they're mothering; you gotta keep a close watch on them. I want my son to be the best of all possible men.

BONGI: You mean a half-assed woman.

RUSSELL: When he grows up I want to be able to point to him and say: "There goes my son--the man." I want to live in a masculine culture.

BONGI: That's a contradiction in terms.

RUSSELL: I want a strong, virile environment.

BONGI: Why don't you hang out at the YMCA gym?

CAT: The battle of the sexes--it's been raging on for centuries.

BONGI: I know how we could eliminate it.

CAT: How?

BONGI: Have you ever heard of sex determination?

RUSSELL: Never! Never! That's not natural. There'll always be two sexes.

BONGI: Men're totally unreasonable; they can't see why they should be eliminated.

RUSSELL: No! The two-sex system must be right; it's survived hundreds of thousands of years.

BONGI: So has disease.

RUSSELL: You can't just determine us away. We won't allow it; we'll unite; we'll fight.

BONGI: You may as well resign yourself: eventually the expression "female of the species" 'll be a redundancy.

RUSSELL: You don't know what a female is, you desexed monstrosity.

BONGI: Quite the contrary, I'm so female I'm subversive.




Additional Information

Print ISSN
pp. 152-153
Launched on MUSE
Open Access
Back To Top

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Without cookies your experience may not be seamless.