The Favor

Characters

BETH

JIM

Scene

A room with chest of drawers, small table with telephone, and a large walk-in closet.

BETH

[Offstage.]

I looked everywhere, Jim. Christ, I even looked in the toilet.

JIM

[Offstage.]

The upstairs toilet, Beth, or the downstairs?

[As they enter.]

BETH

Both!

JIM

So where in hell could it be?

[Beth shakes her head.]

And you looked in this closet?

BETH

Twice. I took everything out, and then I put everything back in.

[Jim goes to closet, opens it, looks inside. He pulls string for overhead light. There’s no light.]

BETH

I told you I already looked in there.

JIM

Twice. You looked twice. But how could you see anything without a light?

[Something in the closet catches his eye. He reaches in and brings out a tweed jacket. He tries it on. It fits. He adjusts the collar and lapels.]

Too bad there’s no mirror.

BETH

It fits. It looks nice on you. It goes with your eyes.

JIM

But it isn’t mine.

[He continues to look at the jacket. He takes a sleeve between his fingers and rubs the material.]

BETH

It looks nice anyway.

[Jim puts his hands into pockets of jacket. He straightens his shoulders and then begins to bring some items out of the pockets: a ballpoint pen; some small change; matchbooks; a tube of lipstick. He puts everything onto the chest of drawers.]

[Beth picks up the lipstick and sniffs it.]

BETH

Not my shade.

[They look at each other. Beth grins and shrugs.]

Anyway, it’s turned to wax. I guess we’d better keep looking.

JIM

I don’t think we’re going to find it. I’m ready to throw in the towel.

BETH

And then what?

[Jim shrugs.]

Keep looking, honey. Don’t give up. We’ll find it. Aren’t there techniques for this sort of thing? Like shutting your eyes and picturing where you last saw something?

[She closes her eyes and assumes an air of extreme concentration.]

[The telephone rings.]

JIM

It’s him again!

BETH

I thought you unplugged the phones.

JIM

I thought you did.

[They look at each other accusingly. The telephone stops ringing. Jim shakes his head.]

BETH

Maybe he won’t call back.

JIM

That might be even worse.

BETH

We’ll take it off the hook. Then we won’t know if he’s trying to call.

JIM

If he calls, he’ll get a busy signal.

BETH

So he’ll keep trying.

JIM

It’ll still be busy. He’ll think we’re here and talking to somebody.

BETH

It’ll make him uneasy. You know how he is.

JIM

I don’t know him as well as you, of course . . . You didn’t have to kiss him!

BETH

I never expected that to happen.

JIM

Don’t give me that! You asked for it. You cozied up to him all night.

BETH

I didn’t want to disappoint you.

JIM

Well, you didn’t. You didn’t disappoint me. It looked like a good kiss too, a real smackeroo, from where I was standing.

BETH

Maybe not as good as you’d like to think it was.

[They look at each other. Beth nods at the jacket Jim is wearing.]

Are you going to keep that on?

JIM

I might.

[He checks the inside pocket of the jacket. He takes out a scrap of paper.]

Here’s something. What’s this?

[He reads.]

“Lilies, mums, or carnations? Wreath or else a spray? Potted plant maybe. Whiskey for afterwards.”

BETH

What’s that all about?

JIM

I don’t have a clue. It’s not my jacket.

[He continues to stare at the note.]

BETH

Let me see that.

[She takes the paper and reads it over carefully. Then she folds the paper and puts it under the telephone.]

Sounds like a funeral.

[Telephone begins to ring.]

JIM

That goddamned telephone!

BETH

I thought we were going to take it off the hook.

JIM

Well, we didn’t, did we?

[Telephone stops ringing...