As My Uncle Rides an Exercise Bike at the Rec Center, He Tries to Explain Moby Dick to the Man Riding Beside Him, and: Angry Flower, and: Searching for Orion, and: Table Saw

As My Uncle Rides an Exercise Bike at the Rec Center, He Tries to Explain Moby Dick to the Man Riding Beside Him, and: Angry Flower, and: Searching for Orion, and: Table Saw

As My Uncle Rides an Exercise Bike at the Rec Center, He Tries to Explain Moby Dick to the Man Riding Beside Him

Moby Dick. Moby . . . Dick. Hear that?
It just sounds funny.
I wonder if your average American
in 1851 knew what "dick" really means.
And "moby." Sounds like bloaty, or booby.
Don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean.
And it's just a damn dirty tale when you get down
to it. It all starts with Ishmael—
Ich, which is German for "I"
and "mael," male, as in, "I am male"—
getting into bed with a tattooed man,
and I've never heard of a story,
up to any good, that started
with a man getting into bed with another man
with tattoos all up and down his arms.
Then they get on this tiny little boat,
just a bunch of lonely men, on the Pequod,
little humping peas in a pod,
sailing the high seas, and before long
their captain swaggers his way to deck,
wearing some frilly outfit
and he's got a big hard peg leg,
which the whole crew's staring at.
Now, everybody knows that peg leg
stands for "erection" in dirty people's talk.
And of course, this guy's running the show.
No surprise, he informs them loud and clear,
that this boat is after some sperm whales,
and there just happens to be one special
white whale out there that looks like one big sperm.
This whale happens to be named Dick,
and Dick and Cap'n Ahab share some harsh feelings,
namely a Moses-like wrathful revenge
they would like to sling at each other,
stemming from some mysterious rendezvous
they shared in their distant nautical pasts.
In other words, a jealous brawl's about to take place.
Now, these fellas search high and low,
with Cap'n Ahab at the wheel, humping along,
yelling every five minutes, "Thar she blows!"
and low and behold, another one blows,
until that fateful day when Ahab sees his Dick again.
God Almighty, it's one hell of a fight.
A whole crew full of men trying to wrestle
this Dick down, until Ahab lets her fly
and Ahab, Dick, and crew are swallowed up,
descending into blissful oblivion, all holding each other.
Now, what I don't understand, is why
Ishmael is left floating on a coffin
in the middle of the deep blue sea.

Angry Flower

In third grade, I had tired of being trampled by the sixth graders during recess, and when my teacher announced a stage production, I dreamed of playing the lead. I begged, tugging at her sleeve, and she told me to make a flower headdress, something large and radial and yellow. What kind of lead was this? A dramatic dandelion? At rehearsal, she announced I was to play a potted plant: a face—wide-eyed—emerging from within a mane of flat yellow petals. I was given no lines. I was told to smile. What? How could she? But she seemed as serious as when she told us President Reagan had been shot. Incensed, I chose to frown throughout the play. I practiced making tense brows, a cowling curve of my mouth. I was anger. When the curtains drew, a few parents near the front pointed and laughed. Soon, everyone was enjoying my performance. Angry flower. I looked across the crowd, the sea of shoulders and heads dimly lit in the auditorium. I wanted to be a hulking flower of revenge so badly that I cried. This caused raucous laughter, dark...