Vocation

Without the title, I'd never have guessed Self Portrait as the Apostle Paul. The apostle part, I mean, for by now I know Rembrandt's face. Here at 55, the artist masquerading as that fiery man near the end of his life, quieted, reading the Scriptures - a book in this painting, as if the printing press had always been around. Though had it been, Paul could be re-reading one of his own epistles - First Corinthians, Second. Each time he looks back, Rembrandt likewise finding something he's left out or at least, one more way to show what he means: Self Portrait Frowning, Self Portrait Leaning Forward, Self Portrait as a Beggar, as a Burgher, Bareheaded, in a Soft Hat, in a Plumed Hat, even as a saint. Yet I should not have said "reading the Scriptures" as if to suggest Paul had been pondering their words, trying to see how much still holds true this close to the grave, because Rembrandt's pictured Paul, or himself, having just looked up, having just been called from his praying, his painting. Who wants what now? Interruption could be the summation of this life. Even at 55, still the need to discern: temptation? invitation? What's the hunger I've been put here to feed?