- The Telemarketer Calls a Poet She’s Actually Heard Once on NPR to Talk to Him About Relief From the Burden of High-Interest Credit Cards
Mr. Collins, I am calling today about an important opportunity for you to start paying down those high- interest credit cards and get on the road to good credit. I don't have credit card debt. Thank you. Now wait. I've read your poems, of your affinity for wine and bread's pleasures, for candlesticks and clutches of freesias, your taste for brocade, your love of solid furniture, your likely lingerie purchases. You know, don't you, not to take poems as biography, right? You can't just strap them down and beat from them the details of a poet's life. You know that, right? So they say. But you also write what you know, right? Clean out your attic, describe and collect what you find there? That's part of it. Then isn't it reasonable market research to have a look at your work and deduce you've had contact with lots of stuff at one point? Fair enough. You can assume my valise, too, is tooled leather, my books gilt-edged and leather as well, my dinners tidy opulences, [End Page 29] but if I told you, in a slight stutter, sotto voce, that I now had just finished a Big Mac and was preparing to watch Hannity and Colmes, to ignore the trifling sky and the corduroy hours of evening, would you frown, want to tousle my hair, tell me I'm being silly, ship me to bed? Or, are you the moth drawn to this flame, the spoon yearning to lie with the knife, the bureau drawer yawning to be filled with folds of colored socks and accidental change? You have a point, there. I usually do. I don't care how many condescending titters I hear. Not from me you don't. No. True. Never from you.