Resolutions of the 2007 APCG Meeting Long Beach, California

Whereas, the geography faculty of CSULB has hosted the 70th meeting of the APCG with wondrous zest, skill, and aplomb, and

Whereas, we have all benefited from their splendid efforts at organization, planning, and hospitality, and

Whereas, we particularly want to recognize the efforts of our dedicated conference co-chairs, Vincent Del Casino and Deborah Thien; the other members of the CSULB geography faculty, including part-time members doing full-time service; our magnificent, knowledgeable field trip leaders, the conference’s technical specialist Jim Woods; the volunteer coordinator Paul Perret, the most helpful student volunteers; Julie Ortiz and Carol Phillips, the Geography Department Academic Support staff ; Paul Laris for his poster board efforts; President F. King Alexander and Dean Jerry Riposa for their generous financial support; the Center for India Studies for Internet Support; and others too numerous to mention, and

Whereas, and regretfully, despite all of the aforementioned expertise and effort, certain events, occurrences, and slippages have come to the attention of your ever-vigilant Resolutions Committee and its literally hundreds of well-placed informants, such that they require special mention in the accounts of this meeting, to wit, and

Whereas, Dr. Vincent Del Casino has been awarded the collective Yahoo!, Hotmail, and AOL “Golden E-mailer of the Year Award” for having sent the membership a total of 1,347 e-mails regarding these meetings, and

Whereas, some of us have remained slightly suspicious why our CSULB friends chose the site for these meetings at a hotel conjoined with something called the World Trade Center, and

Whereas, our hosts cleverly chose a site for these meetings with no restaurants within a one-mile radius, apparently in cooperation with our friends from Herbalstrife, and

Whereas, our hosts are to be commended by their incredible physical juxtaposition, layering and co-discoursing in one socially constructed, human depositional nexus of three apparently unrelated phenomena: in-your- face mega-decibel wedding disco, Herbalife revivalism that met us at every turn, and our own pre-post-prandial 21st Century Geography exposition, and

Whereas, the locals insist on convincing us that Long Beach is truly a Central Place by holding its opening and closing ceremonies in what should be called the Walter Christaller Memorial Hall, based on its singular Hexagon- dedicated wallpaper, and

Whereas, the Herbaldeath folks apparently reached one of our own committee members, Jennifer Helzer’s absence from our committee meeting being explained by her sighting in one the Herbal folks’ official stretch Hummers, soaking in their mobile hot tub, and

Whereas, the Hilton Hotel, in promoting the divine-like status of its founder, provides Conrad Hilton biographies in every room in place of the usual Gideon Bible or Book of Mormon, and

Whereas, for the first time, one of our Saturday afternoon sessions was displaced by a Thai wedding, the pastor performing the ceremony known as the Thai that binds, and

Whereas, the geography department as CSULB went to extraordinary lengths to try to convince those of us who know better that there really is a Los Angeles River, by importing an environmental historian to make false testimony wherein she demonstrated with her own slides that there is really only a giant concrete drainage channel, and

Whereas those of us from outside SoCal are led to wonder if Angelinos really have as many entertainment options as reported, since evidence was provided that large groups of people actually make special trips that they pay for to go and look at this large concrete ditch, and

Whereas, on the field trip to the base of the San Gabriel Mountains, fieldtrippers learned that, inexplicably, rock material that has naturally moved downslope is then transported back upslope and redeposited there, the transporters apparently unaware of gravity and the ability of those same rocks to descend again, leading to a new term, “rock recidivism,” wherein the same rocks frequently reappear at the bottom of the slopes, resulting in a new law wherein the rocks are shot if this happens more than three times, and

Whereas, our host, Vinnie “You Tube” Del Casino, alias...