Larkin’s Nephew

“I don’t believe you’re not on Facebook yet,”   The bubbly poet said. “I put everything up there, who I’ve met   And where, what I’ve just read

Or had for lunch. People appreciate   Knowing, they really do. It helps us all keep so in touch—it’s great!   It’d work real well for you.

All your old friends could find you then, from high   School, right online. You never Know who might pop up next and just say ‘hi.’   It’s like the best thing ever.”

Somehow I’m not persuaded. It makes less sense   To let the great net work If you’re like me. Flashbacks to adolescence?   To times I was a jerk

Playing elaborate jokes on some dumb schmuck   Who never stood a chance? That guy might track me down now—just my luck.   My hot date to the dance?

I didn’t have one, ever. Can’t I please   Keep on forgetting years Sullied by acne and anxiety’s   Clammy pubescent fears?

I will admit I’ve sometimes been curious   What happened to two or three Young women on whom my crush was serious.   But they never cared for me.