Narrating Deaf Lives: "Is It True?" Fiction and Autobiography

Whenever I visit (or teach) a class that has read my story "A Nice Romantic Dinner" from the Deaf Way II Anthology, it never fails that students ask whether the story is true—their way of asking whether it is autobiographical. That is not an easy question to answer because it depends on how one defines "true." If "true" means that everything in the story happened, then no, it is not true. However, if it means that the story reflects and draws on my experiences, then it is true.

"A Nice Romantic Dinner" centers around a fight that the two main characters, Sara and Brad, have over dinner at a restaurant on their seventh wedding anniversary. The central conflict in the story arises because Sara, who is deaf, wants Brad to sign; Brad, who is hearing, does not want to. Sara tries to turn the dinner into a lesson in signing, but Brad is unenthusiastic and quickly ends the lesson. This is what then happens:

Instead of repeating what she had signed, Brad said, "That's enough for now. My eyes are tired, and it is dark in here. Let's just talk and eat." He picked up his beer and closed his eyes while he drank several swallows, giving Sara no chance to argue with him. "Bastard!" Sara signed (but did not voice). Brad missed it, of course, since his eyes were closed. Not that it would matter, anyway; Sara doubted Brad knew that particular sign.

Sara was furious. Brad had the nerve to complain that it was too dark in the restaurant to pay attention to her sign, and he wanted her to pay attention to his lips, which are infinitely harder to understand? She was struggling not to cry, not wanting to make a scene in public.

(193–94)

That scene—part of the climax of the story—did not happen in my actual relationship with my hearing (now ex) husband, so in that sense, it is fiction. However, that scene (and the rest of the story) is true—and autobiographical—in that it is built from pieces of my experience. I did have many spats with my ex over the signing issue—some even in restaurants, and those many experiences gave me material for the scene.

For another example of how autobiography comes to play in the story, note that Sara felt unable to argue with Brad when he closed his eyes. This is not a logical behavior because Sara can speak, and of course hearing people do not need to see a speaker to hear. That is Sara acting as I would. If I am talking to a hearing person (using my voice) and that person looks away, I feel as if they cannot hear me, so I stop talking until I can establish eye contact again. This is an unconscious behavior, and when I notice what I am doing, I force myself to start talking again.

Likewise, Sara's signing of "bastard" is something I identify with. Part of me wishes I would react this way myself in similar situations. I do not, but in writing Sara this way I get my chance. Writing fiction is an opportunity to create a new self and to try on new identities. This ability to play with identity is a primary reason I want to write fiction.

I have to work at distancing myself. It took me several years to complete the story. I got the idea for it when my marriage was falling apart, and I actually wrote parts of what eventually became the story then. However, the experience was too close, and the emotions involved were too raw at the time, so I put the story away for a few years. When I felt ready to work on the story again, I had established enough distance. I was able to give the characters names and see them as characters in a story instead of visualizing only my ex and myself. I could then have the characters do and say things that made for a better story.

I find myself attracted...