Signs that your Country might be a Geo-Political Ghetto

Your country is known more for its fauna, flora and landscape than for the people who occupy the space.

Your country did not exist. It was discovered; carved from nothingness when a spirited explorer mistakenly stumbled upon your people, who, by the way, did exist.

Your leader, an unpopular dictator, is democratically re-elected to office for another renewable term—he wins by a landslide.

Your leader wants to die in office and there is a chance his son might succeed him.

The leader earns too much to reveal his salary—he decrees his own salary.

Military cadets do combat training on protesting civilians. Rubber bullets are prohibited!

Spies are trained to spy on citizens and not on foreign governments.

Your country does not belong to the United Nations Security Council. Actually, it is more than likely your country is amongst the reasons for the Council’s existence.

Most citizens are not fluent in your country’s official language—it is foreign.

There are no political differences, just tribal conflicts; there is no laughter, just misery; there are no roads, just tracks; there are no lawns, just bush; there are no houses, just huts; no youngsters, just the aging—to paraphrase the western press.

The United Nations actually matters even though your country had nothing to do with its creation, intent and purpose.

Your country’s teenage citizens are familiar with the IMF and World Bank. They know more about a world that has no desire to know you.

Protest songs sell like hot cakes.

Don’t hold your breath; there shall be no protest marches against global warming. Recycling is out of necessity and not a political statement. In fact, there is a perpetual shortage of trashcans.

Only seven people are classified as clinically obese. There are no billboards advertising for liposuction. Dietitians and personal trainers are jobless.

PETA [People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals] shall not open a branch in your capital any time soon. There are no pet shelters or pet stores.

Good luck finding a vegan restaurant in your biggest city. The only endangered species are vegetarians.

Cancer is still a rich man’s disease. People die with frowns of their faces.

Pharmaceutical companies use your citizens as laboratory mice in testing their products. The last census was two decades ago.

Fast food is the woman frying puff-puff and beans on the pavement. Eating McDonald’s is a status symbol.

Traffic lights and signs are decorative props—mere distractions for drivers.

There are no speed limits; potholes are effective speed bumps.

Your country’s international airport has a single terminal. Custom officers are always yawning.

Your country has no immigration problem—enterprising Chinese peasants and Lebanese being the only exception. It does have an emigration problem though.

There are golf courses but the only golfers are those who run the country. Your leader’s caddy might just be the future minister of state in charge of communications.

There is no waiting list at your embassy applying for visas. Your country is a favorite destination for rich people seeking redemption.

Your country is an adoption warehouse—a childless mother’s candy shop.

You shall host the next convention of the Global Ghetto Dwellers Association [GGDA].

Your country was conceived in debt, lives in debt and might actually die from debt.