Evidence Contributing to a Late Illumination

1

Photo of my father, wire-rimmed glasses, only son, nerd prince–his mother, grandmother, tighten his tie, pat his jacket, comb his hair, advise him not to marry Mary Frances.

Photo of my mother, age maybe sixteen, lace collared polka dot dress so proper but still showing the source of her power over those old ladies–she can have babies–

and how they must have loathed the child! Her arm around my mother’s waist, Great Grandma Lawson– complainer and snuff dipper–might smile if only she could push this brat bride off a cliff.

My mother’s face shows she knows it and won’t run from rage wrapped in manners like a present.

2

Though she lived only minutes our oldest sister was named after her grandmothers, who detested each other. Her stone offers one date for the birth and death of Ida Grace.

Mother was seventeen then. Last year moved by desire, this year it had to be something else. The rest of her life she woke to loss, then got sent to bed at night with its bitter kiss. Charles came along and stayed alive, two years later there I was, then Bill. Never another girl, just boy, boy, boy. The later pictures show her as still proud but a little forlorn–

Photos of a face concealing how much it hurt wanting a daughter, a lifetime half thwarted.