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40 十四首素歌 ——致母亲 1 失眠之歌 在一个失眠的夜晚 在许多个失眠的夜晚 我听见失眠的母亲 在隔壁灶旁忙碌 在天亮前浆洗衣物 盲目地在黑暗中回忆过去 它庞大的体积 它不可捉摸的 意义 : 它凝视将来 那是我们的秘密 不成文的律条 在失眠时 黑夜的心跳 成为我们之间的歌唱 : 它凝视将来 盲目地回忆过去 整整一夜我都在猜想 母亲当年的美貌 : 她洁白的双颊 纤细的长眼形 从泛黄的相簿里浮起 还有时代的热血 鹰一样锐利的表情 就这样 她戎装成婚 身边 站着瘦削的父亲 Changing Room(fintxt).indd 40 9/21/11 12:22 PM 41 Fourteen Plainsongs — for my mother 1 Insomniac Song On a sleepless night on so many sleepless nights I hear my restless mother busy at the stove in the next room washing clothes before dawn In the dark thinking of the past its immense bulk its unmeasurable significance: it stares into the future That’s our secret an unwritten rule When we can’t sleep the pulse of the black night is the rhythm of the song we share It stares into the future Thinking of the past blindly I spend the night imagining my mother’s beautiful young face: her white cheeks her long and narrow eyes float up from the yellowed album The passions of that era her expression as keen as an eagle’s She was married in military uniform my skinny father at her side Changing Room(fintxt).indd 41 9/21/11 12:22 PM 42 在失眠之夜 母亲灶前灶后 布置一家的生活场景 她是否回忆起那北方的纺锤—— 她童年的玩伴 ? 永远不变的事物使它旋转 就像群星的旋转 它总要围绕一个生命的轴点 多年来我不断失眠 我的失眠总围绕一个轴点 : 我凝视母亲 2 3 黄河谣 母亲说 :“在那黄河边上 在河湾以南,在新种的小麦地旁 在路的尽端,是我们村” 在黄河岸边 是谢庄 母亲姓谢 名讳 Changing Room(fintxt).indd 42 9/21/11 12:22 PM 43 On sleepless nights mother moves around the stove arranging the family’s life does she remember that North China spindle —— her childhood playmate? Immutable forces make it spin like the revolutions of constellations forever circling the hub of a life For years I’ve had insomnia my sleeplessness spinning around a hub: I stare at my mother 2 Head bowed, I listen deep underground bones are talking with other bones glittering eyes dart around like the spirits of the soil listening to daylight from any dark place: a rooster pecking at grain as if it were alone 3 Yellow River Ballad Mother says: “On the banks of the Yellow River south of the Bend, by a plot of newly planted wheat, at the end of the road, is our village” On the south side of the Yellow River is Xie village My mother’s family name was Xie her given name taboo Changing Room(fintxt).indd 43 9/21/11 12:22 PM 44 若香草和美人之称 她从坡脊走来 河流扩大 坡地不断坍塌 泥土 涌到对面的河滩之上 母亲说 :“我们的地在一点点失去” 于是就有了械斗、迁徙 就有了月黑风高时的抢劫 一个鬼魂的泅渡 就有了无数鬼魂的奢望 那些韶华红颜的年轻女孩 他们的爱人都已逝去 “在黄河上刮来的刮去的寒风 每年刮着他们年轻的尸骨” 虽然河水枯黄、石滩粗糙 但母亲出落得动人 她的脸像杏子 血色像桃花 当她走过坡脊 她是黄河边上最可爱的事物 当她在河边赤脚踩踏衣服 一股寒意刺痛了岸边的小伙 使他们的内心一阵阵懊恼 我的四十岁比母亲来得更早 像鸟儿一只只飞走 那一年年熟视无睹的时间 我天生的忧伤锁在骨髓里 不被走在我身旁的人所察觉 我的四十岁比母亲来得更早 Changing Room(fintxt).indd 44 9/21/11 12:22 PM 45 Like an ancient hero pure of heart she walked down from the ridge The river is broad its banks forever collapsing and mud washes up on the opposite shore Mother says: “Our land was disappearing” So people clashed, or moved away There was looting on moonless nights One ghost swam across the river and countless others were filled with wild hopes The girls were blossoming but their lovers were dead “The freezing winds that blow back and forth across the Yellow River stream over their young bones” Though the river ran the ochre of drought, and the shingled shoreline was rugged my mother was stunningly beautiful her face like an apricot rosy as peach blossoms When she strode along the ridge she was the prettiest girl by the Yellow River When she walked barefoot on its banks, stepping on the washing the young men felt an icy stab and shuddered with regret My forty years went by more quickly than my mother’s one by one, they flew away like birds Year after year, time passed by, unremarkable an inborn sadness locked inside my marrow and those who walked beside me never noticed My forty years went by more quickly than my mother’s Changing Room(fintxt).indd 45 9/21/11 12:22 PM 46 “什么样的男人是我们的将来 ? 什么样的男人使我们等到迟暮 ? 什么样的男人在我们得到时 与失去一样悲痛 ? 什么样的男人 与我们的睡眠和死亡为伴 ?” 我的母亲从坡脊上走来 挟着书包 还没有学会 一种适合她终身的爱 但 已经知道作女人的弊病 和恋爱中那些可耻的事情 她没有丝绸 身着麻布衣衫 谁看见她 谁就会忘记自己的一切 使遥远的事物变得悲哀 使美变得不朽 时间的笔在急速滑动 产生字 就像那急速滑落的河滩上 倾泄如注的卵 不顾及新坟中死亡者的痛苦 流到东 流到南 又拍打到对面 不顾及人们为它死在两岸 4 Changing Room(fintxt).indd 46 9/21/11 12:22 PM 47 “What kind of man is our future? What kind of man makes us wait till the twilight of our years? What kind of man makes getting him as painful as losing him? What kind of man will lie beside us in sleep and death?” My mother walks along the ridge book bag under her arm She still hasn’t learned the ways of a love worth keeping till the end of her days She already knows the pitfalls of being a woman and the shameful things that go with love She has no silks she’s dressed in hemp Whoever sees her will lose himself completely Turning faraway events into tragedies making beauty everlasting the brush of time glides rapidly along giving birth to words like pebbles pouring down rapidly sliding banks careless of the suffering dead in fresh graves Flowing east flowing south slapping the opposite shore careless of the people who died for it on either side 4 Everything withers in the end Time has...

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Additional Information

ISBN
9789629969295
Related ISBN
9789629964900
MARC Record
OCLC
871208059
Pages
184
Launched on MUSE
2014-01-01
Language
English
Open Access
No
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