restricted access 7 Doing the White Male Kvetch (A Pale Imitation of a Rag)
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7 Doing the White Male Kvetch (A Pale Imitation of a Rag) CALVIN TRILLIN You're not allowed to give the wife a smack. And people get their jobs because they're black. Reverse discrimination's just not right. We earned our jobs, by God, by being white. (Chorus) You put your right wing out. You pop a can of brew. You jiggle-just a bit, Not like those black guys do. You settle on the couch, And then you yawn and stretch. You're doin' paleface jive. It's called the white male kvetch. The Brady bill is flat unfair to shooters, A guy these days can't even mention hootersA word the femiNazis now forbid. You're also not allowed to smack your kid. (Repeat chorus) The welfare queens with Cadillacs eat steaks. It's true: these colored folks get all the breaks. They've got a right to sing the blues? Our rights Should sure include the right to whine the whites, (Repeat chorus, to distraction) THE NATION 478 April 10, 1995. Copyright © 1995 by Calvin Trillin. Originally appeared in The Nation. Reprinted by permission. Copyrighted Material ...