restricted access Suicide
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37 Suicide Have you ever felt your body losing control in the sea, being swept by the swell, pulled powerless, pulled out, pulled under? When it happened to me it made my loins tingle in the same way as when I am close to the edge of a tall building I desire more than anything else to throw myself off. I see myself flying through the air – joyous in that instant – and then bang! I stayed in Tom’s apartment in London for a month one summer. He lived on the thirteenth floor of a tower block on a quasi-council estate with stunning views of central London, and a panorama stretching from Highgate in the north to Clapham in the south and taking in everything in between. All I thought about for that month was launching myself from his tiny terrace. It wasn’t that I felt unhappy. On the 38 contrary, I simply wanted to feel the fullness of that loin-tingling instant as my body fell to earth out of control. Perhaps I should learn to ski instead. ...