Still Sings the Nightbird

Lesbian

207 L Lesbian When I speak to other people, they submit,” said Pilipili. “They say they have sinned, they confess to me. You are in love with Anna. Don’t deny it. You love her the way you can love a man! Too much. Girl, you know what you are? You are a lesbian. Everyone has seen it!” said the piercing shrill voice. Wam Miss felt as if there was fire in her head. This was a bombshell. She was being attacked. She heard the words roll like thunder in her head. She was confused. Her heart beat hard. What was that? “In MarirNJ Pax Guild we do not accept people who play with hearts and sex. People who love their own sex. Sex is holy but dangerous. You are not pure!” said Pilipili. “Who do you say I am?” Wam asked innocently. “You hear it in our talks, the lectures we give all the time. You must not love anyone with passion. You must not touch anyone’s flesh. You are often alone with Anna. What do you do with her? How do you hold her? How does your heart beat when you see her?” “What?” Wam managed to ask. “You go to her room at night! Tell me what else you do!” said Pilipili. “Tell me if you lie in bed with her… if you do, and you admit, it is a terrible thing. You can hardly be forgiven. You cannot be one of us. You are an outcast, out…and outside …you remain!” “Lie in bed? What are you talking about?” “You know what I am talking about of course. You are rude. You choose to keep asking what I mean, what am talking about, pretending that you do not know anything”. “I pretend?” “Yes. So that you can have a chance to repeat what I say! Unrefined. You know we found two girl students Ire and Jo in each other’s arms in their bed in the Training Centre area? They were copying you. You know we sent them away. It has been reported to “ 208 us that they learned this from you. And you, a teacher, a woman dedicated to MarirNJ wonders! The scandal you have caused us is beyond repair! You are a whore girl! A whore. Go and read what the prophet Jeremiah says about harlots.” “You mean Hosea? I have never been alone with Anna. I don’t know what you are talking about. I thought I was just doing my work and making the world holy!” replied an angry Wam. “At least one of those girls, Ire has been rehabilitated. Our doctor, our own member, Dr. Miss Frances, our own member I repeat, had noticed that Ire loved to sing the fancy voice, descant. She loved to be the flowery one,” Said Pilipili. “What are you talking about?” Wam insisted. “Don’t try to be… you know. Ire is finally marrying a man! A real man!” Said Pilipili. Wam was shaking. She was not thinking any more. She was confused. She had a terrible feeling of being hedged in, cornered. She felt as if there were people kicking her from all around the room and she in the Center. Pilipili was a big monster in the room. Would it not have been better if she had started by explaining who lesbians were. “I am not a les… les… lesbian….I have never even had a crush on her… sex?” “You cannot say such words here. Christ is in this Center You, cannot say the word sex in this Center. I can say these words. I am anointed, but you must only talk about touching and feelings and … no. Not those words!” Pilipili spoke all the time. It was a long and drawn out telling off. Wam felt as if her flesh was laid on a chopping board with a knife constantly cutting it. She was crying but she did not know she was crying. She was screaming silently. She did not know that she was screaming. As she went to town, Wam had not even suspected that she was in trouble. She was unprepared for what she heard. She had only been asked to deliver a letter there by the MarirNJ Head of House in Limuru. She would never have known how many letters had been 209 written about her to the MarirNJ Mainline House in Nairobi and from...