No Trifling Matter: Contributions of an Uncompromising Critic to the Democratic Process in Cameroon

67 The Comedians on Our Political Stage

189 specify acceptable criteria for a unique Presidential candidate. Imagine someone specifying “experience in treating dossiers” as a necessary criterion for a good Presidential candidate! I nearly crushed my ribs laughing at that one. If one of these people were in Biya’s place, he might have proposed in the electoral code that, to stand for Presidential elections, you must have been a President before! If Cameroonians want positive change, NI JOHN FRU NDI IS THEIR MAN FOR PRESIDENT. Quote me! 6 67 The Comedians on Our Political Stage (Published October 1 – 8, 1992) Since the struggle for democracy was launched in Cameroon a little more than two year ago, we have lived through alternating moments of irremediable despair, euphoric hope and lackadaisical lethargy. These varied situations have been regularly punctuated by comic relief, whose value for the psyche cannot be underestimated. I have always followed with the corners of my eyes the comedians and jokers who have provided us with these moments of comic relief. They are the clowns and court jesters on our national landscape. Do you still remember Lapiro de Mbanga? Were it not that people like yours truly were quick to add to the English language the new verb “to lapiro,” you would surely be forgiven if you have completely forgotten Lapiro de Mbanga. For quite a while he appeared like a folk hero with a massive following among the massa damnata, our populous, “wretched of the earth,” who stand to lose nothing from change except their chains and tribulations. But a few millions of the regime’s blood money transformed him overnight and ended a very promising artistic career. Remember Mandenge? Temporary paucity of contracts within the CPDM regime made him to decamp with a bang from that party to the SDF. But discovering that the SDF was a mass movement with no contracts in sight, and reflecting soberly over the hunger in 190 his belly, he re-de-camped with the same fracas back to the CPDM! Prodigal back home. Have you forgotten Dicka Akwa? What is that his other name which sounds so musical? Yes, Bonambele. Where on earth is the Douala prince? I loved his hat! You cannot have already forgotten the likes of Honourable Tamfu and Tatah. Their mere presence in the National Assembly is comedy itself. For one of them, the remote cause of his present situation is said to go back to the fact that he used to be Dr. Foncha’s houseboy. He was so good in the art of “passing chop” that one day Foncha simply promoted him from a houseboy to a Minister! Not really so astonishing. “Minister” means “to serve,” you know. But in this case, should we also list Foncha among the comedians? Decide for yourself. The list is long. But, if we leave aside the amateurs and concentrate only on the professionals, I would award the gold medal to someone whose name I’m not very sure of but who is unmistakably well-known to both you and me. He could make millions of dollars at Hollywood, just being himself. The name sounds something like WRONGLY MASSACRE. Is this a show name? Your guess is as good as mine. He has one unmistakable identification mark: an extremely funny hat which marked him out from the very beginning as a master comedian. It is rumoured that he goes to bed with his famous hat on and even takes his bath without taking it off. One day it would be interesting to know what is concealed under the hat. He registered a party. His party is one of several others which I once described as “paper parties” most of which were sponsored by and formed as secret satellites of the CPDM, to cause confusion and havoc within the opposition ranks. Mr Wrongly (if that is his name) is very fond of press conferences. Whenever he announces a press conference, many people, especially youngsters, would always go there to admire his funny hat and he would mistake them for political supporters. Recently, he appeared on national television to announce that his party had decided to support the candidature of Paul Biya in the Presidential elections. Was this news to anybody? But the question is: where are his militants? The silver medal for these awards goes to Mr Frederick Augustin Kodock, the Secretary General of one faction of the UPC, who was 191 beaten to...