What a Next of Kin!

Chapter Twelve

53 Chapter Twelve M adams,” Ndi addressed the women. “I need not be buying the wine in cups. I better buy all the jugs and ask you to help serve the guests as they come in. But I am afraid the wine is not much. You have only four jugs and I believe the turnout would be heavy. How much is that?” “Sixteen thousand francs – four thousands a jug. More wine will come. By the time we finish this, the tapers will bring evening wine. But if we do as you say, we shall not be here for ten minutes. I know my people when it concerns drink-for-free. So, if the people come, handover the entertainment to me,” the youngest of the women, Enanga, suggested. And immediately the people came, Ndi introduced her as the MC of the occasion. In taking control, she thanked him for the honour he had given her in making her the MC of the occasion. Then she addressed the people. “Under-the-tree people, please, I think we should be thankful to the host of honour for his generosity. I would call this a windfall day. It is hard these days to see such magnanimity. If he can be so generous in the wheelchair, then he is wonderful when he is in good health. But we should not abuse his generosity. He is buying the first two rounds for each and every one of us, and after that, those who will still want to continue drinking, and I know there would be many, would have to dip their hands into their pockets. You don’t ride a willing horse to death. So, the first round, the thirsty people’s round and the second round, 54 Charles Alobwed’Epie the gentlemen’s round are free. The third round, the greedy people’s cup, and the fourth round, the drunkards’ cup, and the fifth round, the gutter people’s cup are paid for by the drinker. I call then on my fellow women to serve the thirsty people’s cup. We all know the speed with which it is drunk.” The women served the thirsty people’s cup and within a second, the drinkers stretched forth their cups, asking for the gentlemen’s cup – the cup of restraint drinking. The women served the gentlemen’s cup. The people sipped a bit of the wine and knowing the consequences of emptying the cup fast, held the virtually full cups in their hands as one holds a baby about to sleep. Some put their cups on the makeshift tables to avoid the temptation of sipping more frequently. That controlled drinking, of course, led to conversation. And as the saying goes, ‘he who pays the piper determines the tune’, Ndi let the conversation. “Ladies and gentlemen, when a person loses a game of draughts amongst you, he undergoes degradation known in your jargon as bastardization. For him to regain uplifting he must win. You call that uplifting, de-bastardization. Now, when a woman does what only a man is expected to do, she definitely undergoes uplifting. What do you call that uplifting, manification or malification? In fact I want us to coin a name for matron Caro’s prowess. The floor is open.” “A woman can do only some and not all the things a man can do. So, she remains always a woman. For example, she cannot piss in a bottle. So whatever matron Caro does, remains within the circle of her woman-ness,” Mr. Ntola chipped in. “This world has changed. A woman was not expected to do what men did. In the days of old, the woman was expected to nurse children and take care of the household. Today, we say, what a man can do a woman can do. That is upsetting the world. I know also that what a woman can do, a man cannot do. A man cannot conceive, a man cannot suckle children and that is it,” Mr. Eyalle said. 55 What a Next of Kin! “There is nothing like manification or malification in the same way as there is nothing like womanisation or feminisation. Only the squint eye sees a woman’s prowess as uplifting. Uplifting from what to what? I think what there is, is naturization. By this I mean, respecting what nature is all about. Matron Caro has neither looked low nor high on her nature...