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201 23 In Provisional Praise of Paul Biya I could easily become a frequent praise-singer of His Excellency Paul Biya, if the latter continues changing and improving at the remarkable rate that he has displayed in recent times. ‘‘To live is to change and to be perfect is to have changed often.” You have heard this from me several times before. I am first and foremost a critic (a thankless profession) to the point of being critical even about my own criticism. So don’t be surprised if I start sounding like those CRTV fellows I have often criticised, if only HE continues and improves on the present trend. I give praise where it is due and blame where it is due. It might have escaped the notice of most Cameroonians, but His Excellency Paul Biya has recently departed remarkably from his normal practice in a positive direction. Such remarkable positive departure could not miss my critical attention. First of all, on socalled Youth Day, HE abandoned his French suits and came out in ordinary shirt and trousers, Mandela-style, and shook hands with excited children like the ordinary mortal that he is. We could soon see him, one fine day, in an African dress. Secondly, for several months running now, His Excellency has not gone on any “short private visit” abroad. Moreover, he has recently, for the first time in history, spent nearly a whole week in a town in Cameroon (Kribi) other than Yaounde or Mvomeka’a. Is it not possible that he might have discovered the advantages of Kribi over Switzerland and Baden Baden? How lucky Kribi is! In terms of the back-scratching philofolly of the New Deal regime, Kribi has no rival. If the people of Kribi were to reciprocate accordingly, they, would scratch Biya’s back until it starts peeling off. What I don’t understand are reports that the S.D.F. and other opposition parties have made significant inroads in the Kribi area. Is back-scratching working at all? Your opinion would be as good as mine. But just consider the facts. Kribi got the deep sea port and oil pipe-line from Chad (both in preference to 202 Road Companion to Democracy and Meritocracy Victoria alias Limbe which was highly favoured by neutral economic experts). Now Kribi has got its own oil field inaugurated and there is increasing talk of its becoming the industrial base of this our rough triangle. Of course, Kribi, just like any other part of this country, has every legitimate right to these facilities. Were it not for the “autochthones-allogenes” companion philofolly to these things, would many of us not start rushing down to Kribi now to see whether we could make a living there? When some years ago I timidly suggested that his Excellency seemed bent on transferring the economic and industrial base of the country to the Centre-South, I was nearly painted in the gaudy colours of an enemy of the New Deal. But I had heard high rumours about the possibility of a Fang Republic. If HE’s praise-worthy positive trend continues, he should also be spending a week in Buea or Victoria or Likomba in the not-to-distant future. He could tie a wrapper (with red stockings and a broom?) while the Madam wears a kaba and they could play with children at the Victoria beach or Botanical Gardens. But what would he tell the people of the South West Province? If he has not abandoned the back-scratching mentally before then, the only thing, surely, that he can say is that he scratched their back with a Prime Minister and Head of Government. Should they not ask him why he didn’t scratch their back instead with the deep sea port and oil pipe-line and give the P.M. to Kribi? After all, Massa Yo who is from Kribi is not only very-good Prime Ministerial material but used to be, until quite recently, the de facto Prime Minister of the Republic. The only thing about the praise-worthy one week stay in Kribi is that it occurred at a time that His Excellency should have been in Gaborone, Botswana, for the meeting of the Commonwealth leaders. There, he would have had the rare opportunity of coming face to face with John Fru Ndi, for the first time since the latter’s May 26, 1990 earth-shaking revolution, and shaking hands (warmly or coldly) with him...

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