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4. "Letting Go" and "Holding On": Grieving and Traditional Death Rituals in Hong Kong
- Hong Kong University Press, HKU
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4 "LettingGo"and"HoldingOn": GrievingandTraditionalDeat hRitualsinHong Kong PeterKaHingCHEUNG,CeciliaLa iWaiCHAN,WaiFU, YawenLIandGraceYeeKamPauCHEUNG Introduction It is now generally agreed tha t coping with grief involves not only acceptin g the realit y o f death,1 developin g th e abilit y t o live without th e deceased, 2 relinquishing ol d attachment s t o th e decease d an d th e ol d assumptiv e world,3 an d withdrawing emotiona l energ y from th e decease d s o that it can be reinveste d i n othe r peopl e an d othe r things. 1 Copin g wit h grie f als o involves stayin g connecte d wit h th e deceased 4 an d developin g a ne w relationship wit h hi m o r her. 5 This is the interactive perspective of grief work that guides our exploratio n of traditional Chinese death rituals and how they are practised in Hong Kong. Traditionally, when a parent dies , sons are suppose d t o refrain fro m cuttin g their hai r for thre e years and ar e supposed t o stay home t o mourn. Widow s are expecte d t o sta y single fo r th e res t o f thei r lives , to fulfil thei r spousa l responsibilities t o the deceased husband . Prolonge d grie f is encouraged a s a sign of commitment an d obligatio n t o the family hierarchy . Traditionally, severa l referenc e date s guid e mournin g practice . Thes e practices varied over the centuries and across different socia l strata. Generally, chanting and/o r religiou s services are conducte d fo r th e decease d o n eac h of the seve n seven-da y periods of the first forty-nine day s after th e death . At the end of the forty-nine days, some families end their mourning. Others mark the end of mourning o n th e 100t h day after th e death o f the family member . Sons and daughters who observe the full rigour of mourning for their deceased parent don't return t o normal routines until after th e third anniversary of the death. In highly modernized Hon g Kong, prolonged grieving and mourning ar e not possible , and very few people practis e th e three-yea r mournin g rituals . More peopl e abid e b y the practice s in th e first forty-nin e day s or simpl y d o not continue th e rituals after th e burial service . Hong Kon g has a predominantly Chines e population, abou t ten percen t 66Peter KaHingCheung etat. of whom ar e Christian . The res t are Confucian , Buddhist , Daoist , atheist, o r do no t belong t o any organized religion . If one goes to a funeral servic e an y day of the year, th e ritua l most likely to be encountered i s Daoist, th e singl e most practised funeral ritua l in Hong Kong. Each day, it is estimated that ther e are more tha n 10 0 Daoist funeral service s conducted b y Daoist masters in six funeral hall s in Hong Kong. 6 Burials i n traditiona l Chines e communitie s ar e commonl y hel d i n th e family graveyard. Wealthy families hav e a big graveyard and a n ancestors hal l where th e family ca n gathe r a t all major festival s and feasts. Family member s traditionally gather around the ancestor's grave at least twice a year to pay their respects and to have a picnic, offering deliciou s food tha t the deceased perso n loved. Today , a s lan d i s becomin g mor e precious , crematio n i s i n tur n becoming both mor e commo n an d mor e affordable . According to Colette Lai (funeral servic e consultant and trainer of funera l directors) ,# seventy-fiv e t o eighty percent of all funeral service s in Hong Kon g are Daoist. Fifteen percen t ar e Buddhist, an d th e rest are distributed amon g other ritual s practise d b y...
