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Imprints of Life
- Hong Kong University Press, HKU
- Chapter
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Imprints o f Lif e Chu Wenjuan Translated b y Jing M/Wan g Chu Wenjuan (1907-1) , also known under the pen name Xiao Yu, was a native of Zhejiang, China. She moved to Taiwan before 1949. Collections of her writings include Female Juror (Nil pei shen yuan, 1929), Filia l Gratitud e (Cu n cao xin, 1947), and Sprin g Remain s Whe n Petal s Hav e Falle n (Hua luo chun you zoi, 1977). Lost time s hav e graduall y evaporate d fro m m y memory lik e a thi n clou d and a light fog. Yet the sadness and joy remain. The leftove r trace s weave into the fabric of my current thoughts like delicate threads, making a blurred and mist y picture. I f I spread ou t thi s picture an d tak e a look a t it , I may not necessaril y fin d i t beautiful. O n th e contrary , part o f it still bleeds. I. I Was Unwante d In th e northeas t o f Zhejian g province , ther e wa s a mist y lak e name d Mandarin Duck Lake. By the lake lived an extended family of literary an d official renown . On e clea r autum n evenin g i n th e lat e Qing dynasty , th e seventh daughte r wa s bor n int o thi s family . Th e fathe r hel d he r littl e head an d aske d angrily : "Why di d you come here?" The littl e head coul d not answe r him . Th e infan t wa s no t receive d wit h lov e bu t wit h disappointment an d disgust . The mothe r coul d barel y tolerat e th e infan t at he r breast . As peopl e tease d m e wit h th e stor y o f m y birth muc h late r i n life , I always remember it . I t planted th e roo t o f skepticism i n my young mind . 76 • CH U WENJUA N When I grew older , my elder s wer e no t please d wit h m y speech an d manners. I wa s ofte n alone , silen t an d los t i n though t al l da y long . I f I happened t o say anything at all, it usually made the rest of the family shak e their heads . I remember whe n I was seven years old, and Mothe r decide d to pierc e m y ears. I asked: "Why don' t yo u pierce Elde r Brother' s ears? " "He's a boy , an d you'r e a girl . Ca n yo u d o wha t h e does? " Mothe r answered wit h impatience . "Why can' t a girl do what a boy does?" "Why? Why do you ask so many questions about everything?" She pu t away the needle angrily and said, "All right. Now I won't pierce your ears. You ca n jus t b e a n ill-bre d child! " I neve r ha d m y ear s pierced , bu t I stil l aske d a lo t o f questions . Sometimes I got t o spen d a littl e tim e wit h my uncle s an d aske d them : "Why ar e ther e peopl e i n th e world ? Why a m I i n th e world? " They al l laughed an d said : "Oh , wha t a silly child! " At school , I ha d fe w friends . Book s wer e almos t m y sol e company . Gradually I learned t o talk with books. I got tired of the textbooks used a t school an d fel t tha t the y coul d no t tel l m e ver y much , s o I sneaked int o Father's study and secretly found bi g books to read. I understood some an d not others , but the y wer e muc h mor e interestin g tha n my textbooks . II. Th e Heroine s i n The Fungus Shrines When I was thirteen, an uncle on my mother's side gave me a copy of Peach Blossom Fan (Ta o hu a shan) 1 a s...