I Can Almost See The Clouds of Dust: Selected Poetry of Yu Xiang

IV. With a Nose That Always Points Straight Ahead

IV WITH A NOSE THAT ALWAYS POINTS STRAIGHT AHEAD 54 窗 我想到的窗子是美丽的 因为它们框住了流动的风景 从里面看总是这样 我不知道外面的人怎样看 也不想知道 我妈妈的窗子在二十层 每次看到它 我都会有冲出去的想法 我自己的窗子在一层 它框住随意经过的人 和一个刻意到这里的人 我的办公室在地下 窗子开在最上方 在一个扁小的长方形里 我要抬头 才能看到污水、彷徨和失落 55 Window the windows I think of are beautiful because they frame the shifting scenery it always looks this way from the inside I don’t know how outsiders see it and don’t want to know my mother’s window is on the twentieth floor each time I see it I think of leaping out my window is on the first floor it frames casual passersby and someone here on purpose my office is underground the window opens directly above in a small and narrow rectangle I must look up to see sewage, hesitation and dejection 56 我几乎看到滚滚尘埃 一群牲口走在柏油马路上 我想像它们掀起滚滚尘埃 如果它们奔跑、受惊 我就能想像出更多更大的尘埃 它们是干净的，它们走在城市的街道上 像一群城市里的人 它们走它们奔跑它们受惊 像烈日照耀下的人群那样满头大汗 一群牲口走在城市马路上 它们一个一个走来 它们走过我身旁 57 I Can Almost See the Clouds of Dust A herd of cattle walks on a tar road I imagine them stirring up clouds of dust If they run, startled I’ll imagine bigger clouds of dust They’re clean, they walk on a city street like a group of men in the city They walk they run they’re startled like men sweating under the scorching sun A herd of cattle walks on a city road They come one by one They pass by me 58 你滚吧，太阳 一个瞎子对我说 你是个能看得见的人 但你不比我更知道太阳 太阳在我周围 它不只在我的周围 太阳在我的上下左右滚 太阳在我的身体里面滚 在我的指缝间 我知道一口吐向我的浓痰 童年猥亵我的老头 他松懈的皮里面藏着从我身上揉下的泥棍 你滚吧 太阳 在每个羞辱我的人的鞋底 我老了 每一天多么宝贵 我瞎了 我说着太阳 我知道的太阳是个没皮的蛋 我咬它 让它有用 我摸它 让它流淌 我叫它滚 我知道 它还会来 59 Roll, Sun a blind man tells me you’re someone who can see but you don’t know the sun anymore than me the sun surrounds me it’s not just my surroundings the sun rolls over me up and down left to right the sun rolls inside my body between my fingers I know a mouthful of thick phlegm spat at me an old man from my childhood acted indecently his slackened skin hid sticks of dirt kneaded from my body roll sun in the soles of every man who humiliates me I’m old each day is precious I’m blind I say the sun the sun I know is a skinless egg I bite it to make it useful I touch it to make it flow I say roll I know it’ll come anyway 60 你，你们 这就开始写你 有些犹豫不决 犹豫不决明天用不用把你揣在兜里 或者将你示众 你会有一张什么样的脸面 你张开嘴巴会吐露什么样的肉皮和话柄 要一张嘴巴能不能说服我 要一双眼睛在我有病时看望我 要一只鼻子永远指着前方 脚在地上，手在空中 你是不是像我一样，什么都像我一样 ——不知道什么是自己 ——绝望的时候就毁掉一切 ——即将为臭水沟、尾气 狭小的卧室、克隆人、核武器、氧吧 为后后后现代、为变性门诊、为人群 生儿育女 现在，我跟你说话 我写你、看你再摸你 我不吞下你 我钻了什么样的空子 乖巧地只在诗歌中犯罪 可我再也不愿把你写成诗歌 当我写完你 我没有本领写完你 你和我幽闭已久的灵魂相像 是出去走走呢还是到空中抖一抖 当人们见到你们就叫你们幽灵 61 You, You All writing you begins here with some hesitation hesitating as if tomorrow I’d need to tuck you in my pocket or to show you off in public what face will you have when your mouth opens what flesh what laughing stock will you reveal will you convince me with a mouth with a pair of eyes to visit me when I’m ill with a nose that always points straight ahead feet on the ground, hands in the air are you like me, in any way like me — don’t know what’s me — destroy everything in times of despair — soon, for filthy drains, refinery tailings cramped bedrooms, cloned beings, nuclear weapons, oxygen bars for post-post-post-modernity, for gender reassignment clinics, for the masses we’ll bear and raise children now, I’m talking to you I write you, look at you then touch you I won’t swallow you what loopholes have I exploited committing cute crimes in poetry but I no longer wish to write you into poems when I finish writing you I’ve no ability to finish writing you you and my claustrophobic soul look alike whether to go out for a walk or to shake it off in the sky when others see you both they’ll call you ghosts 62 口袋里的诗 一首诗放在口袋里 如果挨着钥匙 它会和钥匙链一起发出不安的声响 如果和硬币在一起 也不会变成钱 它更像糖，变黏并散着甜味 如果和纸巾在一起 它会被揉皱并磨烂了边 如果和另一首诗在一起 我想像不出怎样 但如果它挨着避孕套 它们就形影不离 这多叫人高兴 只有它们是为爱情留在了那里 63 Poem in a Pocket a poem in a pocket if it comes with keys it’ll clatter with the key chain if it clings onto coins it’ll not become money more like sugar, sticky with a sweet scent if it comes with tissue paper it’ll be creased and crumpled if it finds itself with another poem I can’t imagine how but with a condom they’d be inseparable what a delight only these two stay there for love 64 你的狗 一条狗活着 它是你的影子 它学习生活 学会上厕所 学会在你拿出烟的时候 叼着打火机跑过去 它不只叼着打火机跑过去 它还叼着你的袜子到处跑 好像你哪里都去过 它对着镜子吼叫 充满惊恐 你放屁时它竖起耳朵 你进洗手间，它钻到马桶的后面 你写字，它就在键盘上 敲下一些胡言乱语 一条活着的狗 它孤单，一身灰土跟着你 一条活着的狗 充其量是一个想像 是一个精神错乱的人的虚构 一个人突然看不见自己的影子 会比一条狗更惊恐 今天，一条狗还没有学会更多 就死了。狗死了 为什么那么多人活着 内心充满愧疚 65 Your Dog a dog lives it is your shadow it learns about life learns to use the toilet learns to run along with a lighter in its mouth once you take out a cigarette not only does...