I Can Almost See The Clouds of Dust: Selected Poetry of Yu Xiang

I . You’re Simply Chez Moi

I YOU’RE SIMPLY CHEZ MOI 2 我的房子 我有一扇门，用于提示： 当心！ 你也许会迷路。 这是我的房子，狭长的 走廊，一张有风景的桌子。 一棵橘树。一块煤。 走廊一侧是由书垒成的， 写书的人有的死了，有的 太老了，已经不再让人 感到危险。 我有一把椅子，有时 它会消失，如果你有诚心， 能将头脑中其它事物 擦去，就会在我的眼中 摸到它。 我有一本《佩德罗·巴拉莫》， 里面夹着一缕等待清洗的 头发。我有孤独而 稳定的生活。 这就是我的房子。如果 你碰巧走进来，一定不是为了 我所唠叨的这些。 你和我的房子 没有牵连，你只是 到我这儿来 3 My House I have a door, a reminder: Be careful! You might lose your way. This is my house, a long narrow hallway, a table with a view. A tangerine tree. A piece of coal. Stacked books form one side of the hallway. Some of their authors are dead, some too old, no longer exposing us to danger. I have a chair. Sometimes it disappears. If you’re sincere, able to wipe other thoughts from your mind, you’ll touch it in my eyes. I have a copy of Pedro Páramo — a strand of hair slotted inside waiting to be cleaned. I have a lonely yet stable life. This is my house. If you happen to walk in, it’s certainly not for my rambling notes. You and my house are unrelated, you’re simply chez moi. 4 街头 顺便谈一谈街头，在路边摊上 喝扎啤、剥毛豆 顺便剥开紧紧跟随我们的夏日 它会像多汁的果实，一夜间成熟 又腐烂。在夏季 顺便剥开紧紧跟随我们的往事 还有那些黑色的朗诵 简单的爱 我们衣着简单，用情简单 简单到 遇见人 就爱了 顺便去爱 一个人 或另一个人，顺便 把他们的悲伤带到街头 5 Street Talk about the street, at vendor stalls we drink beer, peel edamame Peel open the summer tagging behind Like luscious fruit, it ripens overnight and rots. In summer peel open the past tagging behind and those dark readings A simple love We dress simply, love simply so simply that we fall in love once we meet Love someone anyone, bring their sorrows to the street 6 理所当然 当我年事已高 有些人 依然会 千里迢迢 赶来爱我 而另一些人 会再次抛弃我 7 It Goes Without Saying when I’m old some will still travel miles to love me but others will once again jilt me 8 绘画生涯 一 我得下决心去画一些户外景色。 就像每天上班， 必须经过那些臃肿的草莓和鸡， 经过禁书、性病、传说、 唱“回家看看”的乞丐夫妻、 篡改的历史、尘土或尾气般的 流窜犯，经过那些被一次一次挖开、 填平，结果再也添不平的 文化路、和平路、即时语录、 无端的愤怒…… 二 我要去画表情和姿态， 在经期也不能停止， 以免警笛干扰笔尖的弯度和走向。 无论律法和公正如何背道而驰， 美女仍是一个活生生的奇迹， 她让生活像颜料一样消耗殆尽。 我的好同志， 只要我能在记忆中将你画出来， 那么我就永远有事可做 9 A Painting Life 1 I must make up my mind to paint some outdoor scenes like going to work every day have to pass by those bloated strawberries and chickens pass by illegal books, sexual diseases, legends a beggar couple singing “Visit Home” a distorted history, a dusty fugitive, or refinery tailings, dug and re-dug filled but never finally leveled Culture Street, Peace Street, improvised quotes and undefined anger . . . 2 I want to paint expression and posture not even stopping when menstruating lest sirens interfere with the brush’s angle and direction However law and justice may oppose a beauty remains a living miracle she spends away life like colors My dear comrade as long as I can draw you from memory I’ll always have something to do 10 三 我要画一些静物， 廉价卖掉，用以糊口。 我从墙上取下前辈的奖牌和勋章， 上面布满辉煌的锈迹， 从箱底翻出一摞红皮证书， 再将客厅的指路明灯拧下， 为了抒情，我一遍一遍摆放它们， 这些没落贵族般的静物 四 没有光线，没有光线， 色彩像睡眠里的对话。 夜里，我直接将黑与白挤到画布上。 白，涂抹鲜血， 黑，爆炸， 中间的灰调子近似于抽象的政府 11 3 I want to paint some still lifes sell them cheap to get by I take down my forefathers’ awards and medals stained with glorious corrosion dig out a pile of red leather diplomas from the bottom of a box then unscrew the beacon lights in the living room For a lyrical feel, I arrange them again and again these still lifes, like the last nobles 4 No light, no light colors like a dialogue in sleep At night, I squeeze black and white straight onto the canvas white smudges blood black explodes the gray in-between like an abstract government 12 五 有时，我画赤裸裸的声音。 当新闻联播里传出风声， 我仍听到双人床上的叫卖， 并在《阿姆斯特丹的河流》里 瞬间认出——“大海的巨大徘徊” 有人说：绘画使人堕落。 我就继续堕落 六 如果我还有力气，还有力气， 我会寄一幅给你。画面上 没有标题也没有签名， 像一个又一个流亡者 13 5 Sometimes I paint nude voices When a newscast brings the wind’s voice from a double bed I can still hear a street vendor and in River Amsterdam instantly recognize “the vast lingering of sea” Someone says, Drawing degenerates man l’ll keep degenerating 6 If I still have the strength, still have the strength I’ll send you a painting, with no title or signature like one exile after another 14 所以你爱我 (for you) 深夜12点，你已睡去，而我还在电脑前，敲下这些字句 所以你爱我 一整年，你看到雪穿过窗缝，炉火也积聚着冷 所以你爱我 你步行穿过我少年的花园，即便赤脚，也能听到蚂蚁的尖叫。而周围 没有一丝风 所以你爱我 也许你写作，最好写诗一样的小说，不相信宗教，不相信政府……不 去具体命名任何事物。不相信爱情 所以你爱我 一天，你想起儿时在养马岛，海潮将叔父的尸体和一条渔船的残骸一 遍一遍冲向海崖，后来，那声响经常在你噩梦中充当一种敲门的方 式，而当时，你正在和小伙伴们玩一种叫做“拔油油”的游戏 所以你爱我 梦境使体液宽广、思想得以自由，惟有时钟同入睡前一样，沉默不语 所以你爱我 你不停地看《猜火车》，迷上了毒品和主席。他们同样霸权 所以你爱我 15 So You Love Me (for you) It’s midnight, you’re asleep, I’m still in front of a computer, typing these words So you love me For a whole year, you saw snow sneak through window cracks, even fire gathers cold So you love me You walked through the garden of my youth, going barefoot, you could still hear ants shriek. No wind stirring So you love me Perhaps you write, it’s best to write a novel like poetry, don’t believe in religion or government . . . don’t label things concretely. Don’t believe in love So you love me One day you recalled your childhood on Yangma Island, how waves washed, again and again, your uncle’s corpse and the wreckage of a fishing boat along a sea cliff. Those sounds recurred in your...