Warning! This Product Contains Nuttiness
A Fun Look at the Bizarre World in Which We Live
Publication Year: 2013
For his latest book, Venable has gathered and organized 139 of his newspaper columns—his biggest collection yet—to create a trove of wit and wisdom. In the spirit of “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” he points a finger at human nature, the environment, civil rights and wrongs, and an eclectic mix of other targets, drawing our attention to the foibles, failings, and just plain absurdities that surround us all.
As a native son and treasured institution in East Tennessee, Venable has earned the right to poke fun at its local history, habits, and happenings. He takes full, loving advantage of this license in essays such as “How to Tawlk Good,” “Shall We Gather with a Reptile,” and “The Good, the Bad, the Kudzu.” He takes on the government in a section titled “A Two-Ring Circus with Elephants and Donkeys,” and in another called “Still Waiting for Y2K,” he offers up “A Lesson in Dollars and Sense” and “Blowing the Budget for Bowser.”
Some have called him a modern-day Mark Twain, others the Dave Barry of Knoxville; but while there may be some similarities, Sam Venable is wonderfully unique. He sees—and sees through—the pervasive silliness and stupidity in our world. It evokes wonder in him, and with many a deft turn of phrase, he interprets that wonder for us. Warning! This Product Contains Nuttiness will make you smile, certainly, but it will also make you think and sometimes even touch your heart.
Published by: The University of Tennessee Press
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Title Page, Other Works by the Author, Copyright, Dedication
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Introduction: Does Sam Venable Even Exist?
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As proof of the fleeting significance of a historic event, I once left a Super Bowl party and within five days had completely forgotten the final score of the game. Now, years removed from that moment, I can’t even tell you who played whom. Or where....
1. Who Needs Fiction?
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Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize–winning humorist for the Miami Herald, came to Knoxville in September 2002 to entertain at a corporate awards ceremony. Since the News Sentinel carried his popular syndicated column at the time, the suits in our front office decided to throw a fancy reception for him....
2. Still Waiting for Y2K
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Roughly one month before his sixth birthday, my grandson shocked me with language
he had picked up in kindergarten. I’m still having palpitations.
No, Max didn’t utter a bathroom word. Or—be still my soul—something even more coarse. Nonetheless, I couldn’t have been more stunned if he had unleashed a torrent of locker-room invective....
3. A Strong Regional Bias
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As a native son of Knoxville, a lifelong resident of Tennessee, and a graduate of the University of Tennessee, it gives me tremendous pleasure to join my fellow citizens in a rousing chant of, “We’re Number One! We’re Number One! We’re Number One!”...
4. A Two-Ring Circus with Elephants and Donkeys
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From Baja to Bangor, a predictable cry rises from the hoi polloi any time highlevel
officials of the government travel into their midst.
If that official is a member of the Republican Party, nearly everyone associated with the Democrats—from the lowliest ward heeler to chairman of the state committee—will object to this “ridiculous, outrageous, dare-we-say-criminal...
5. We Interrupt This Program . . .
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Whoa! Wait a minute! What’s a bunch of serious material doing in a nutty book
like this, especially when announced like some cheesy radio broadcaster from
Good question. I hope to provide a satisfactory answer....
6. A Few Extra Slices of Our Daily Bread
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Silly me. For years, I thought food was for eating. Or dining or snacking or munching or whatever term might best describe the process of sending vittles down the human “swallow pipe.” Little did I realize there are broader applications for our daily bread—along with our daily cheeseburgers, our daily barbecue, our daily hot dogs, our daily doughnuts, our daily pizza, our daily fries, our...
7. The Science of Silliness
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Be it known to all that I stand foursquare behind the principle of scientific research. Bring on the experiments, the tests, the studies, the investigations! Award lucrative grants! Bestow PhDs by the multiplied dozen! From the depths of the oceans to the vast realms of outer space, there’s oh-so-much to learn about this planet we call home!...
8. Very Important Dates
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I used to be one of the most addicted calendar watchers in the history of office
work. But not for reasons you might expect.
There was none of this business of flipping ahead to June or July on a dreary, snow-patched February afternoon and happily daydreaming of summer vacation at the beach. Nor was the object of my calendar-gazing ever one of those ...
9. Sports of Sorts
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Although I played varsity football—ineptly, sloppily, and without one scintilla of
skill—throughout my years at Knoxville’s Young High School, I’ve never been
much of a fan of organized sports.
Oh, I follow baseball in early fall and usually know which teams are headed for the World Series. And I watch enough college and professional football on TV to keep up with who’s who in their respective championship quests. Beyond...
10. Being a Guy
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The last thing I’d ever do, especially here in the socially enlightened twenty-first
century, is attempt to provoke rancor between the sexes. Or rancor between any
diverse groups of people, for that matter. When it comes to the human interactions,
I prefer to take the Rodney King approach: Can’t we all just get along?
Frankly, there isn’t a lot of difference between men and women, besides the obvious—which, for that matter, appears to be getting a bit less and less obvious...
Page Count: 287
Illustrations: 11 illustrations
Publication Year: 2013
Edition: First edition.