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Thirty-two years old, slim, Pauline James worried if she would ever have a baby. Her mother Robin with her, again she walked to the clinic for high-risk pregnancies. She had prayed, if it's going to end like the others, let it end early, not go seven months like the last one, and be born and not live. Waiting for her appointment, she recalled her previous pregnancy:"I really wanted him. I loved his father. I have pictures and everything. They thought he was under one pound, but he was much bigger. They kinda encouraged it. They put me in the hospital the last four months, my legs propped up and everything because my water was leaking. I was hurting all the time. They were trying to seal it over. They thought 1 couldn't carry it the whole time." They were right. Her body delivered the baby before it was fully developed, at the beginning of her seventh month. "They asked me when I went into labor if we can try to keep it alive, but the heart and lungs weren't really mature enough to survive on its own. The person explaining really didn't do such a good job. When the baby came out, he wasn't dead like they thought. I was drugged up because I had been in so much pain. They were asking me, Do you want us to try to keep him alive? but they were telling me it's really hard when it's under one pound, but he was over two pounds. And when he came out, they said, 'Oh no'/ he was heavy enough that we could have tried to kept him. He might have been sick, but his dad was a millionaire,so he could have paid the bills. I was really caught up in a hard spot, choosing to have him. They were saying Blood Pressure and Weight 10 Blood Pressure and Weight he could have mental and physical disabilities. They had me so nervous about him being so little. "They didn't try to keep him alive. They just let the heart and lungs collapse because they asked me. I told 'em, yeah, that was OK because they kept saying it was so hard to save a premature baby that small. But right away, when we saw the baby—He was moving around and everything. They said, 'Are you sure you don't want to hold it?' I was in so much pain from the delivery, that I was begging for something to take the pain away. When they gave me the medicine, it really drugged me up, and I didn't know what I was saying or doing. I just wanted the pain to be over with." The millionaire father of the child was Scott Marvin, a professional football player formerly with the Atlanta Falcons then with the Los Angeles Raiders. "I really loved him," she said. "Even now. We really loved each other. We tried to do all the right things, but it just didn't work out. Now, in a way, I feel kinda responsible that I didn't just take a chance when they asked if I wanted to try to keep the baby alive, or did I think it's better to let nature take its course. I should have tried to keep it alive. Since I've been reading books and things, babies that weighed less than he did survived, and they're OK now. They don't even go to the doctor all the time like people said they would." She had been with her current boyfriend, the father of the child inside her, for two years, but she never forgot Scott Marvin. "I don't love him nowhere near as much as I love Scott. It's like you have a love that you can never let go. He is the only person that I would consider cooking and cleaning for, the kind of things that wives have to do." A Grady nurse had taken a Polaroid picture of the baby whose inadequately -developed lungs and heart quit soon after he was born. Pauline kept that picture and a picture of Scott safely tucked in a large Bible in her home. From time to time, she removed them, stared at the picture of Scott and gently moved her fingers over the picture of the baby. Before Scott, there was a husband, with whom she conceived, and whom...

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