Guerrilla Daughter

8. Awaiting the Liberation of the Philippines

 eight  Awaiting the Liberation of the Philippines While Dad and the 110th Division command were wrestling with transporting palay to feed the troops, Mom, Peach, and I remained in Cantilan. One day Mom informed us, in a rather matter-of-fact way, that she was pregnant. In retrospect, one might imagine her being upset at the prospect of having a baby under such difficult circumstances. However, if Mom had any concerns, she did not share them with us. When she determined that the baby would arrive in September, she asked us to pray for a brother, so we could call him Ed to remind us of the big brother we had lost in September 1941. Still, there were certain matters to consider. We literally had nothing but the clothes on our backs, and these were made of abaca fiber. Suddenly a baby was coming, and we were without baby blankets, clothes, or diapers. Clothing a newborn baby in stiff and scratchy abaca cloth was out of the question. However, there were still some bed linens we had left with our landlord in Claver. Mom decided that she and Peach would trek back to retrieve them, leaving me in the care of Naping and the nuns. I protested vigorously, of course, tearfully reminding Mom of how afraid I was when they left me by myself in the abandoned hut in the hills of Claver when the Japanese shelled and ransacked the town. Mom gently explained that without me along they would make better time, and the circumstances were different now because there were kind people to look after me. She asked me to be brave once again and take good care of Princess. (Many years later Mom admitted that leaving me behind was very difficult, but she rationalized that if, God forbid, she and Peach happened to fall into Japanese hands, I would be spared that horrible fate and stood a good chance 133 134 Guerrilla Daughter of eventually being reunited with Dad and/or my brothers. Not surprisingly, she chose not to share those thoughts with Peach and me at the time.) I knew, of course, that continuing to argue with Mom was futile and I had no choice but to stay. I felt utterly miserable and could not overcome my fear and loneliness. That was the first time that I was apart from my family for more than a few hours. While my experience as a boarder at San Nicolas School was not pleasant, Peach and the boys were in close proximity. And at the mine, when the rest of the family was away from home at social events, Romana was there to take care of me. Since leaving the mine, that short period when Mom and Peach left me alone after the Japanese attack on Claver was the only one in which I felt really afraid. I realize now that Mom and Dad had always tried to shield me from situations that might scare me. They made sure I was not within earshot when they discussed matters relating to our personal safety. Furthermore, whenever Mom informed Peach and me that we were moving to a different location, she kept her demeanor normal and never expressed the apprehension and fear that she undoubtedly felt. Peach was certainly aware of the possible dangers we faced, but she, too, put up a brave front. Despite their efforts, however, I came to understand that we kept moving to avoid being captured by the Japanese because they might kill us. The memory of Ed’s death in Surigao was still fresh in my mind, and the possibility of something similar happening to us, or to Dad or the boys, was a subject I could not bring myself to discuss with Mom or Peach. While Naping and the nuns were kind and solicitous, I rebuffed their efforts to cheer me up. I knew there was a good reason for Mom and Peach to make the trip, but I was also aware that we had left Claver only a few short months earlier because it was too dangerous to remain there. And now Mom and Peach were heading back! Although Mom had assured me that they would return as quickly as possible, I remembered that it took us many days to travel from Claver to Cantilan and resigned myself to a long wait. Every day I watched the path leading to the house, hoping Dad would suddenly appear, as he had done just before Christmas...