The New Ray Bradbury Review: Number 1 2008

Gotcha!

135 Gotcha! a teleplay based on his short story by RAY BRADBURY ________________ October 12, 1985 SCRIPT The New Ray Bradbury Review 136 Stationery tumbles out of a dumped package. Hands move in and begin to sort the stuffs as our hero’s voice speaks. THE VOICE Do men, young men, old men, keep diaries? Not often. That seems to be the sort of thing that girls, young girls, and women do. And yet— We see stationery being sorted, along with pens, a pastepot, some scissors, a big album for pictures, plus the pictures themselves, and labels, large ones, to be typed on and placed under the pictures. THE VOICE —I, a fairly young man in my right mind did indeed keep a diary, well, a photo album diary which had to do with— We see his hands sorting photos. THE VOICE Alicia— A photo of STAN LAUREL is pasted in place. THE VOICE And myself— A photo of OLIVER HARDY is pasted beside it, on the front of the album. THE VOICE (with quiet humor) No, that isn’t Alicia. And no, that isn’t me. But nevertheless the album and the diary were all about— We see a typed label being pressed in place. Gotcha! 137 THE VOICE The Laurel and Hardy Love Affair! We ZOOM in on the twin photos. Then, his hand writing in a diary, or typing at a typewriter. THE VOICE The Real Alicia? Here she is! CUT TO: CLOSEUP, a young woman, incredibly beautiful, laughing, amongst a crowd of young and eager men. THE VOICE And the real me, there I am. In another part of the room, our HERO, drinking, apart, alone, watchful. THE VOICE Stan and Ollie, as it would turn out. Laurel and Hardy, we would be, forever, or almost forever, until everything went to hell. ALICIA stops laughing, for she has seen, across the room: OUR hero, who sees that she sees him. SHE trades a glance. And he another. And then, impulsively, he grabs hold of his tie, as OLIVER HARDY used to do, and wags it in a silly pantomime on the air. This is exactly the right thing to do, for ALICIA’s face takes sunlight and fire from his action. Her hand, almost automatically, drifts up to touch the top of her head and begins to pull the hair and scratch the skull as STAN LAUREL used to do. Her mouth creases in STAN’s old familiar grin! The New Ray Bradbury Review 138 OUR HERO wags his tie more frantically, rocking his body in a bashful gesture, as his face breaks wide with recognition. My God, they are soul mates, twins! He plows— Through the crowd. She is waiting for him. JOHN Stanley! She laughs and shakes her head with happiness. ALICIA Ollie! He recalls an old line from the films. JOHN Why don’t you do something to HELP me!? She spreads her hands in a helpless gesture and makes the sobbing, crying sound of STAN LAUREL, nonplussed. He can only respond: JOHN Come, Stanley. She asks, as if it were STAN: ALICIA Where are we going? And he says, like OLLIE. JOHN I have nothing to say! Gotcha! 139 He offers his arm in a properly pompous fashion. She does not hesitate. She takes it. They march off through the crowd, he with great pomp, she tripping over her own feet. CUT TO: Their car pulling up at a curb in the Los Angeles downtown hills. They are roaring with laughter. JOHN And then remember that film they made about a gorilla who wore a ballet outfit and did a dance in their room? ALICIA And the one where the tough guy twisted their heads backward— JOHN And the Music Box. Remember. Where they carried the piano in its big crate up that long flight of steps! ALICIA Exactly why we are here! She brakes the car and they look out. JOHN What?! (POSSIBLE INSERT HERE OF GORILLA DANCING IN ROOM WITH L. & H.??) (POSSIBLE CUT OF TOUGH GUY TWISTING THEIR HEADS??) (POSSIBLE CUT FROM “THE MUSIC BOX” HERE?) The New Ray Bradbury Review 140 ALICIA This is it. Where they shot the film. Stan and Ollie! Sixty years ago! JOHN Oh, Lord! He stares up: At a flight of steps leading up in the twilight to the top of a very high hill. JOHN No!? ALICIA (laughs) Yes! He gets...