Make Mine a Double: Why Women Like Us Like to Drink (Or Not)

The Cocktail as Fashion Accessory

47 karen renner ฀ t The Cocktail as Fashion Accessory A (Very) Brief Personal History Told through Drink ihave no style when it comes to either clothing or cocktails. I will stand for hours in front of mirrors wondering how far the green shade of my skirt can deviate from the green of my shoes without signaling an utter lack of refinement. I flip frantically through makeup charts, trying to figure out if Hot Toffee eye shadow coordinates with Toasted Almond lipstick or just sounds like a delicious combination. I own two handbags (if you count my backpack), I never wear perfume, and ponytail holders are typically my sole adornments. I couldn’t identify a Coach purse in a lineup, nor do I know if Coach actually commands respect, and I wouldn’t have a clue if I came across a Good Find in T.J. Maxx. I know that brand names are declarations of personality, but I don’t speak designer and can’t find anyone willing to translate. I feel the same anxiety when I order drinks. What does it mean if I prefer Shiraz to Pinot Noir, a Riesling to a Sauvignon Blanc? I’m absolutely fine with drinking warm beer, canned beer, and American beer, but because I know that none of these will do, I try ales and stouts and porters on for size. It feels like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes. What I have wanted all my life is not so much haute couture as the nonchalance of the well-dressed. For a similar reason, I spent a long time searching for a signature cocktail. It didn’t matter so much what the actual drink was, only that it be unabashedly mine, so much so that bartenders would start mixing it the minute I walked through the door. 48 t k a r e n r e n n e r During my first decade of legal drinking, I tried on several cocktails to see if they’d fit. I knew subconsciously even then that cocktails are an important fashion accessory, a proclamation of identity and intent. My mother had taught me well. Alcohol was her mood ring. Twobeerstranslatedinto:Iwasonceaveryattractiveyoungwoman. Four: I’m not kidding. I wore a size two. Six: This is not the life I was supposed to lead. My mother had drawers full of Lancôme, purses in all colors, and a closet full of high heels. What a disappointment I must have been, with my softball cleats and baseball hats, my clumsy applications of eye shadow and blush, and my complete indifference to jewelry. My mother washed my hair with chamomile to bring out my highlights, slathered clay masks on my face to tighten my pores, clamped bracelets on my wrists and thrust gold hoops through my earlobes. She would save herself, it seemed, by successfully cosmeticizing and accessorizing me. What I was seeking in trying to find my own rendition of “shaken,notstirred”wasthepoiseofJamesBond,theassuredness of someone who really knows who she is and doesn’t apologize for it. Who is 007 anyway but a man who embodies the savoirfaire of the tuxedoed, even when he’s wearing something else? The white Russian was my first attempt to make a drink mine. Remarkable, really, that I ever thought that sipping a cocktail bearing an uncanny resemblance to chocolate milk would ever be a hallmark of maturity. But that was sort of the point. I was going to travel the world and have passionate affairs with older men named Sven and Yuri who would find my girlish charm irresistible and rejuvenating. Looking back now, throwing vodka in milk perfectly encapsulated my ambivalent feelings about being officially adult. I was still clinging to the knees of my girlhood. Gin and tonic was my choice during graduate school. Not just any gin—Tanqueray. Being specific in this way showed that I had been with other gins, all sorts of gins, and now knew what I wanted. (This was a lie.) Most important was not to leave the lime perched delicately on the rim but to crush every bit of juice The Cocktail as Fashion Accessory t 49 out of the slice before ever taking a sip. After all, I was no delicate flower. (Another lie.) I read Hemingway in coffee shops, positioning the book so that others could see the front cover. I got engaged to a nice young...